Un-betaed

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Not Without A Fight

Chapter 9 Heavy Lifting  Part 1

I don’t care how much therapy John has received, I can’t let him back into my heart just now.  He might be Peter’s father but he is not my husband.  If he wants me he has to earn me.  I hope that he doesn’t have the wrong idea that because I have allowed him access to Peter that a relationship with me comes with that because it doesn’t.  He has lied to me and betrayed me too many times for me to simply ignore that and jump back into bed with him.  That is not happening and I will tell him that as soon as he returns with Peter.

The schedule has worked well with John picking up Peter on Friday night and keeping him until Sunday after church.  We usually have brunch and then spend a little time together the three of us. John and I usually talk about how Peter has grown and all the new things that he has done in the past week.  John should arrive soon with Peter.  Oh, there goes the doorbell.  They are here.  I rush to the door and open it and there John stands with Peter in his carrier.  He enters and places the carrier on the sofa and I hurriedly remove Peter and hug him tightly.  He’s six months old now and is much more aware of his surroundings.  He smiles when he sees me and my heart just melts when he does that.  I take him into the nursery to nurse him.  John waits in the living room for us to return.

Evangeline seems a little wary today I wonder what is on her mind.  This schedule with Peter has worked well the last three months but I have not made much progress with establishing a romantic relationship with Evangeline.  She keeps me at a distance.  I know that she does not trust me with her heart after all that I did to her but I have changed.  I will ask her what can I do for her to trust me again and for us to have a life together because that is what I want.  I want us to be a family, a real family.  Oh here she comes with Peter.  I will ask her before I leave.

“John I will put Peter down for his nap and then I would like to speak with you for a moment before you leave if you have time.”

“Sure Evangeline I have time.  I will wait for you to finish with Peter.  The little one looks sleepy anyway.”

“All right I will return in a few minutes.”

A few minutes later Evangeline returns and sits on the sofa next to me and says,

“John the past few months have been very nice with the two of us taking care of Peter.  I know that it is not the best of situations but we try to make it work.  We are not in a relationship even though we share a child and I need you to understand something before we make any changes as to Peter’s care.  John I know that the things that were done in the past cannot be undone but the after effects can still linger.  I think that you want our relationship to be more than it is but I don’t trust you John.  I can’t trust you with my heart.  You hurt me so badly and there is no way that I can simply ignore that and jump back into bed with you.  I must admit that I notice a change in you since you completed your therapy but it is not enough for me to let you back in my heart.  Even after saying all of that I will say that not all hope is lost.  People change I know that because I have changed.  I had you to sign the waiver of parental rights to protect my child and me from you and now I know that that was not the proper way to handle that and so I made the necessary adjustments to that matter. If you want me John, if you really want a lifetime relationship with me then you have to ‘earn’ me.  Earlier I said that you will need to figure out on your own how to earn me but I have changed my mind about that and I will tell you what I expect so we have no confusion about it:

-Talk with me and listen to me.  Minimize the interruptions when we talk, i.e. your cell phone.

-Show interest in the things that I do.  You know that I like ballet, arts and opera.  Suck it up and go to some of those events with me.

-Dinner and dancing.  I like to dance but you don’t.  Well maybe take some lessons and then take me dancing.  That shows me that you are willing to leave your comfort zone to spend time with me.  I learned about football to spend time with you so I expect the same effort from you.

-Make time for me.  I know that your job is important and so is mine so with that said if you make time for the important things in your life and not for me then that tells me that I am not important to you.

-If you are really serious about a relationship with me then our relationship must not suffer because of your relationship with another.  If you want a committed relationship with me then commit to me.  I am not looking for a date John.  I have a child now and dating or bed hopping is not an option.  I am looking for a mate.  Any serious relationship that I enter into now must lead to marriage.  I will not bring men in and out of my son’s life.  That will not happen.

So these are the things that you must do to earn my trust John.  To earn my love you first have to love yourself and then you can love me because you will know what love is.  I see that you have love in you John.  I see it when you are with Peter.  Work on expanding that love to include me.  You said some time ago that during your therapy you realized that you loved me before but didn’t recognize it as love.  Hold on to that feeling John and express it in doing the things that I listed.  Because when and if you do all of those things that I named with love you will know because they won’t feel like a chore for you.  You will do them because you love me and want me to be happy and content with you in my life.  Do you understand what I am saying John?”

“Evangeline thank you so much for giving me this opportunity.  I will not disappoint you I promise.”

“John don’t promise, just do.”

“I will just do it Evangeline, I will.  Okay let me go now so that I can start doing what I need to do to move this forward.  I will talk with you later.”

I get up to leave and Evangeline reminds me to take Peter’s carrier that belongs in my car.  She has her carrier in the hallway.  I grab it and leave to go to my apartment to start working on the list of things that I need to do to have Evangeline in my life.  I now have hope that I didn’t have before.