Damn away to feel disappointed lol..
Reviewer: PurpleLover23 Signed
[Report This]Date: March 15 2014 04:34 am
Using i am instead of I'm in some situations hinders the natural flow of conversation in a story but i like the story though i would describe it as preppy
Reviewer: KayMay Signed [Report This]Date: March 15 2014 04:30 am
Why not just publish on both? Jodi is tripping crying because the fine man ignored you when quietly spoke to him. It wasn't that serious, besides the man had kids which means he could've been married. Is he married? Please don't make him a cheater if he is married? Great beginning!
Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]Date: March 15 2014 02:21 am
I love the update. Hive us more
Reviewer: Bredreaway Signed [Report This]Date: March 15 2014 01:54 am
Steve is not married! Jodi kept her wits about her when he introduced himself, but just introduce himself, flirt and walk away? I am jonsing to see where they meet again. You are awesome!!
Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]Date: March 15 2014 01:34 am
Umm.. Ok while I appreciate your efforts and did warn that it was "steamy", that whole scene with her and the towel was just bizarre and not sexy. That was some freaky shit! Lol And not the hot kind of freaky shit just the scratch your head and say, "What in the hell!" kind of freaky shit. Unless that was you intended to do. To show she's a little off. Also when you write dialogue, please use " ". If not its confusing. I'll hang in there and keep reading but I dunno where this story is going.
Author's Response:
Thanks s much for your review. I don't mean to confuse you. I use quotations only when the characters are speaking aloud. This character is complex. I am doing my best to help you get know who she is by having her relay it to you through her thoughts. I am digging deep LOL! Try to hang in there for me.
Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous [Report This]Date: March 14 2014 09:56 pm
Hello! Yes I would definitely post it here for first. Valentchamber is awesome for authors who are trying to get a feel for their story. I also value how many readers Literotica offers. Unfortunately Literotica readers are oftentimes really harsh when it comes to stories featuring a plus-sized characters that show signs of low self-esteem. Believe me I've seen it time and time again. So I would hate it if you posted there and didn't get the encouragement or feedback you need to finish the story.
If you really wanted to once you have the story flushed out and completed and edited then I would suggest posting it on Literotica. If there is a lot of graphic sex, I'd just put a little note warning readers, but the readers here on valentchamber are open-minded and don't offended easily. :)
I really like your story so far. I feel for Jodi, she sounds like the majority of us women at one point or another. I'm excited to see where it goes. I'd love it if you had longer chapters though, it seemed really short, but good. If you're planning on posting quickly though, then that should solve that.
Hope to read more soon. :)
-p2p-
Author's Response:
Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I understand what you are trying to tell me and I will take your advice. I will continue to post on this site for as long as I am welcome.
Reviewer: partial2passion Signed [Report This]Date: March 14 2014 05:39 pm
Really like this story so far, really feel for Jodi, and I hope she finds the love that she is looking for.
Can't wait for more.
Reviewer: liberty lady Anonymous
[Report This]Date: March 14 2014 03:06 pm
Wow, I feel Jodi's pain, hell I purposely don't look in the mirror especially naked. She has a great career going for her which is more than I can say. Jodi could be shero as long as she quits crying over a man that she has not officially meet. Ccould you write longer chapters? It's going good then you end the chapter, I really like this story!
Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]Date: March 14 2014 01:23 pm
Why not just publish on both? Jodi is tripping crying because the fine man ignored you when quietly spoke to him. It wasn't that serious, besides the man had kids which means he could've been married. Is he married? Please don't make him a cheater if he is married? Great beginning!
Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]Date: March 14 2014 01:26 am
So far so good. I am enjoying the read so far. I want to see what happens to her cause she sound like me before I got my pound of beef cake I call my boyfriend now ;). Please continue.
Reviewer: Thundakat Signed [Report This]Date: March 13 2014 10:54 pm
What a delightful story because out there in the real world is a Jodi no matter age, race, etc. I for one don't care for pics to me it is a let down. My opinion. Anyways, continue. Daughter what a interesting username😏
Reviewer: Ana Anonymous [Report This]Date: March 13 2014 05:08 pm
Great job ! More please :)
Reviewer: Stacie Anonymous [Report This]Date: March 13 2014 02:58 pm
Why not just publish on both? Jodi is tripping crying because the fine man ignored you when quietly spoke to him. It wasn't that serious, besides the man had kids which means he could've been married. Is he married? Please don't make him a cheater if he is married? Great beginning!
Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]Date: March 13 2014 12:33 pm
Not too much, I wish there was a little more description of Jodi like height, skin tone, weight was mentioned; but I totally understand her feeling rejected and unsatisfied. I like it:)
Reviewer: idiotendenial Signed [Report This]Date: March 13 2014 11:05 am
Wow! You have caught my attention. Please update soon
Reviewer: Bredreaway Signed [Report This]Date: March 13 2014 08:43 am
Continue the story please, I'd like to see where this leads.
Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous [Report This]Date: March 13 2014 08:20 am
I like it so far keep it going!!!!!
Reviewer: PurpleLover23 Signed [Report This]Date: March 13 2014 06:35 am
there's no need to move. Stay right here.
Reviewer: DaSoulVicious Signed [Report This]Date: March 13 2014 05:48 am
Jodi makes me want to cry for her! She can't be this alone please give that woman a friend and by friend I don't mean the security personnel. What was with that man at the store was he blind or caught in his daydreams? I know Jodi, she is every girl who wanted a fine man to look her way without negative thoughts. She wants to compete with all the other women in the world! Continue please. Can we have some cast photos?
Reviewer: Nita Roberts Signed [Report This]Date: March 13 2014 05:10 am
I love where you're going with this! I'm super excited!
Reviewer: Nita Roberts Signed [Report This]Date: March 13 2014 05:04 am