Nice beginning, it pulls you in. Your characters are good and they make you want to know more about them. Serenity is someone that your readers want to know now she overcame the abuse. Your villain is very intriguing. This chapter was good, but the best part is how you introduced your paranormal characters. The ending is brilliant.
You have room for improvements with the story, the first being editing. Some minor things that you can catch yourself when you read out loud. E.g. "Living", its a verb and should not be capatilized. "big apple" refers to a place and shoudl be capatilized. Also the use to the word 'Geez' at the beginning of that paragraph. Serinity is a very strong character, a woman who has survived; she's smart and takes action. That word is whinny and weak, Becareful of the words you use when writing your characters and their actions or reasons.
For the second chapter, be mindful of the pronouns. You used 'he', 'she', and 'her', but sometimes you used them in the incorrect spot. Once or twice is okay but more than that, detracts from the reading. The reader will have to spend more time correcting the story that enjoying reading the story.
Your introduction of characters and the pace and how you are doing it, is well done. I like it and can't wait to read the next chapter.
Feel free to delete this review.
Author's Response:
Hey Caribbean Fire (Anonymous),
Thank you for your comment I appreciate any feed back I can get to aid me in becoming a better writer. I like to bring a little mystery to my characters so that the reader wants to know more about them, I also want the readers to be able to connect with her story. As for the paranormal aspect I want the readers to be curious as to what powers they hold (if any) and their purpose for protecting her (the prophacy).
I will make sure to take my time and go over my story again before posting, I want the readers to be able to understand what I am trying to portray to them through my descriptions. I also want you to enjoy what you're reading and I see how spelling errors can hinder that.
I won't delete your coment because all my readers comments are important :) . Stay tuned in further chapters for more!
Reviewer: Caribbean Fire Anonymous [Report This]Date: April 28 2015 09:31 pm
Wait?? What the hell?
So she has the power to control water. There is a talking wolf and a man that turns into an eagle following and protecting her. What prophecy needs to come to pass? What's going to happen to the planet if it doesn't? Who is Eric??? She's CIA. Nice. Was she abused by this Scott Gores guy? Why did he call her a nymph???
I'm interested.
Author's Response:
Hi KeiKei,
Your first two sentences are spot on, you'll learn more about the wolf and eagle that is protecting her as the story progresses. I really want to tell you about the prophecy but I feel that it may be giving away too much for later chapters, so I'll hold my tongue, but the profacy is very important and the reason that everything in her life is happening at this very moment. Eric is her protector who was watching over her, the eagle shifter.
No Scott Gores didn't abuse her but he is closer in connection with her abuser then she knows.
Stay tuned for more and feel free to leave any questions or comments!
Reviewer: KeiKei Signed [Report This]Date: April 25 2015 02:40 pm
Hi pmgayles,
Thank You for the review! Any comments and qusestions are always more then welcomed.
If you like sci-fi/paranormal then this is a story that I believe you will enjoy as the chapters progress. The main reason I chose New Orleans as her living place is because of the picture I want to slowly paint in your mind, to me when I think of mysterious things like paranormal events and a magical awakening happening I think of the spirited and haunted city of New Orleans. I also wanted her to have a Cajun background that she was strongly attached to that will make more sense as the story continues to take fold. Her main office of communication is in Va but she doesn't go there in person often.
Reviewer: ladymonique_09 Signed [Report This]Date: April 24 2015 04:41 pm
this story isn't my thing too much fantasy. but you paint one hell of a picture. I felt like I was right there with her in that foster home. I see this getting great reviews. Intriguing.
Author's Response:
Hi SunnySideDown,
Thank You for the review! Any comments and qusestions are always more then welcomed.
Thank you for that, I try to make all my scenes as vivid as possible because I want the readers to mentally create a picture of what the character's are observing, touching, or feeling as much as possible through the words across the pages.
Reviewer: SunnySideDown Signed
[Report This]Date: April 23 2015 10:45 am
Very interesting, I'm on board for this ride. Liking the characters too.
Author's Response:
Hi jacqua43,
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and get to know my characters. Any comments and qusestions are always more then welcomed.
This is a ride that I think you will enjoy if you continue to read along, the characters will begin to mold into more relatable people and the story line will leave you wanting more with each chapter.
Reviewer: jacqua43 Signed [Report This]Date: April 23 2015 03:07 am
Loving the start! More please.
Author's Response:
Hi pmgayles,
Thank You for the review! Any comments and qusestions are always more then welcomed.
I'm estaticed that you enjoyed the story so far, I will do my best to post as frequently as I can.
Reviewer: baha_malo Signed [Report This]Date: April 23 2015 01:28 am