One Month Later

     Niamh had willingly sent herself through a crash course to insure she knew The Family as if she had been born and bred into it. It involved many nights of strategic overview, manipulating her mindset to rest solely on getting into Daniel's boundaries. Every handbook, every guide ever written that told the history of their prosperous leader she had read, learned, and memorized. This classified information of course wasn't floating around the general public; they were flyers hidden in between the pages of newspapers which were specially hand delivered to every home which coalesced into the dominant Family. It was far too fascinating to pick apart the evil structure  such as this. Niamh saw videos of the meetings between classified gatherings with Daniel and heads of governmental agencies. The messages relayed with one another were all sticky with treason , and would without a doubt fly right under the radar.

      It was much like the many documentaries she had a habit of watching. The documentaries where they tell the story, from beginning to end, of mysteries of the underworld revealed. There was a certain thrill to staying up late to watch them. She would tire out her search engines looking up every detail to the stories hoping to find as much information as possible. Now she experienced a surreal twist in the plotline where she has been written in. She wouldn't have to imagine the bravery of the individuals who contribute to taking down forces that were above the law.

     Now Niamh knew and understood what it took for those people. On the outside, they are seen as heroic vigilantes doing the job everyone else seemed to miss.

     But truthfully, one doesn't consider the fame and recognition they will get for performing such tasks. At least Niamh could assume it was that way. She didn't want a job well done, or a pat on the back for destroying Daniel. What she needed most in the aftermath was peace. Peace knowing that she had done everything she could to the best of her abilities. The knot in her stomach which kept her up at night needed to be undone.

     She would be naïve to believe that removing Daniel from his pedestal would send his pending danger out the door with him. Of course there would be others affected by his toxic plans. She couldn't be brash and attack immediately, that's not how things would get done. Picking up the pieces of her fallen face on the ground would be the result of things.

     Niamh chewed on her knuckle as she sat in her car underneath the veil of the shadows filling the parking garage of the home she once lived in. Her eyes were wet as she looked at the digital clock on her dash. It shined the early hour of the morning into vision as she wiped away the thick tears spilling from them.

    They were from exhaustion.

     No, they were just dry really. When she stressed, they always ended up irritated.

    Or could it have been the fact she was so close to her mother...so close to her family just moments before? She had brought a box with the most important gifts she could provide Lorraine and Niall with. Joseph had distributed protection devices to Niamh for her to give to her loved ones. She had hesitated on leaving the box on their doorstep for fear of Daniel's men continuing to lurk around the apartment stopped her.

    The key still fit the lock when she inserted it, turning it slowly on one breath as she opened the door. The familiar smell of the home wrapped around her body as she stealthily placed the devices around the home. She had accomplished it with ease, but when it came to the small personal pieces meant to be kept on a person's body at all times, she had met a wall.

     She had choked on a sob as she remembered wrapping  Blythe's fingers around her device which she had delivered just prior to visiting her family's apartment. She remembered the tears sailing down each of their faces as they held on to each other silently. Niamh had felt it necessary that she be there to make sure Blythe wore it correctly, wanting to make sure she had everything she needed.

     Niamh should have been able to share such an intimate moment with her brother and mother, but it had passed. She had scribbled on the first torn envelope she could find, writing them a note to know that she had been there.

      " I know my timing is a bit off and asking you guys to wear these is bizarre. But I promise it will help you in the long run.

                 ---I love you"

       Before her mind could process anything she had instantly found herself back in her car, sobbing to death for a reason that remained blurry to her. They were alive. The home looked to be undisturbed. She couldn't soothe her heart though.

       Her fist pounded multiple times into her thigh as she opened her mouth in a small soundless wail.

       She had thought before that she had wanted only one thing at the end of all of this.

      She was wrong.

     Now she wanted her family back more than anything.

    Above all else, she wouldn't settle for less than that.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

     Lorraine sat stiffly on the edge of her bed as her eyes stared into the distance, as wide as saucers. Her hand rested against her chest, clutching to the fabric of her t shirt as her body was wracked with emotions. The call for a glass of water had brought her to the bedroom door on the verge of emerging from it, but the sight of her daughter at the kitchen table sent all coherent thoughts away.

     She had to have hated her. Surely after what she had done to her.

    Lorraine knew she was a proud person, and that was a part in the reluctance to face Niamh. That and the reawakened fears from years ago which had almost driven her to keep Niamh from existence.  The repressed hatred for Daniel had been mistaken for her daughter at one point in time. Lorraine could still feel the ache of trying to ignore her second pregnancy. Many times she had thought of playing the fool early on and going out to have one too many drinks, or possibly taking a tumble down the large stairs of the Saslow home.

     When all of these chances were presented to her, she had lost the false courage.

    She thought she was justified in not wanting her daughter for the way she was given to her. Lorraine would look to Niall and list all of the reasons why his birth was right and Niamh's would be wrong.

    She had loved Niall's father.

   He was a good man.

   It was all consensual.

   The baby she carried would only be doomed. Doomed from its heritage and the possibility of the only parent it was likely to know not having enough love for it.

     As the months passed Lorraine watched the changes in her body to accommodate her child. The anger she initially had burst into love. She cursed herself for all of the ignorance she had held towards the innocent baby. She prayed for punishment for her thoughts with each movement inside her stomach. The kicks Niamh gave her were understood to be her child reminding her of the carelessness Lorraine had held for its life.

       Lorraine feared her child being born as a replica of Daniel.

    But she feared more the thought of her daughter entering the world loveless.

     Lorraine crawled back to the spot she had previously occupied in her bed as she laid her head into her pillow. She inhaled deeply, still able to smell remnants of Niamh. She thought of the first time she had smelled her as a baby, the sweet scent intoxicated her and broke down every selfish bone in her body.

     She had vowed that day to never allow what happened to her affect the way she loved her children. They would receive equal parts of her. There would never be a day where she would let her love slip away.

 Her hand wiped the cascading tears away slowly, feeling the burn on her face.

     It hurt to realize she hadn't seen that she was doing the exact opposite of that. She knew that if it was this difficult for her as the mother, then Niamh must have been going through hell with no break.

    Had all of her feelings really been masked this entire time? Surely not. Lorraine sincerely loved Niamh the way a mother knew how. She couldn't recall ever having doubting moments, or ones of bitterness as she watched her grow.

    A fit of rage sent the bedding flying from its place. Lorraine got on her knees, digging them into the carpet. She prayed. She prayed with all she could, but it wasn't enough.

   She lowered her body fully on the ground. Her voice a strong sound against the floor as she cried out to the only source of reason and knowledge she could trust.

Ooooooooooooooooo

    Blaise sat up against the headboard of his as he patiently waited for Niamh's return. He could still feel the kiss to his temple she left as she murmured her intentions a couple of hours ago. She probably had hoped he wouldn't be able to recall it...that he would just remain asleep long enough for her to return without notice of her absence. He was used to waking up to find her on the balcony of his home, dangling over the edge as her arms swayed along the railing. He was certain in her safety when she remained near the house, but with her gone at such a time on her own, worry seemed to comfort him.

     Manners were void when he decided to call Blythe's home hoping that news of Niamh would come from there. His first call had went unanswered, but just as he began to dial again, Blythe had immediately returned it. He only needed to hear those few words, "She was here."  They gave him a better idea of her whereabouts.

     He told himself he would simply wait for her to come back.

     Then he told himself he would only call once.

     Maybe he could call every ten minutes.

    By the time he had made his mind up on what to do, he heard his front door open. His body rose from the bed going to meet Niamh as she maneuvered quickly towards the room. He had caught her off guard as she ran into him, gasping even out of surprise.

     " Blaise." She nearly crooned. He grabbed the sides of her face, lifting it in the darkness. He inspected the damage; the puffy eyes and red cheeks told it all.

    " It's okay Nia. I'm here with you." Niamh bit her lower lip as she kept away the crying she managed to stop just minutes ago. Her back cracked as she opened her arms meaning to completely hold Blaise. Her body weight laid limp against Blaise as he picked her up into his arms. He rocked her back and forth as her legs locked around his waist and is hand rubbed calming lines across her back.

     " I need you." Niamh brought her lips to his ear, whispering the words to him. Her emotional high had reached a point where she no longer wanted to feel it. She wanted to detach from everything around her, but Blaise.

    He couldn't help the surge in his body to meet her request. Things had been so cautious around them lately that he hadn't realized how much his body yearned for hers. He took deep calming breaths as he held onto her tighter, receiving the same grip in return. He wanted more than anything in the world to take her to bed, but he couldn't without knowing how she was first.

     "Baby, let's take a minute here .Okay?" Blaise began to peel her from him, but Niamh was latched on securely.

    " Don't let go of me." She pleaded more desperately than she had expected to. She felt Blaise walk them back to the bedroom and deposit her onto the bed. She opened her eyes and watched as he sinuously curled into her body in the way she had done many nights. He held her beneath him, his face mere inches from hers as he stroked the loose hairs framing her face. Her eyelids fluttered closed as her mouth opened slightly inviting the caresses his fingertips gave to them. Blaise traced the shape of the lips as he leaned closer kissing them gently.

     " You could do that as many times as you'd like, and I would have no problem with it."

     Blaise kissed her again, this time lingering.

     " Have I told you I love you?"

     Blaise raised his head studying her eyes." Yes, I do believe so."

     " It never seems hurt to make sure I drive that point home. I don't want to stop loving you either Blaise. I-" A searing kiss halted her words as he drew her closer to him. She was happy for it.

    Niamh knew that she had been thinking.

   Thinking led to speaking, and she didn't want to say anything that was on her mind. Thoughts whirred continuously in her mind, and which one she might pick to say out loud was a gamble.

    Niamh pushed her fingers through his hair, feeling the heat of his chest above hers. The jeans she wore became a puddle on the ground. The static feeling from his uncovered legs against hers was tingling to the point of a pleasant pain. She could feel the soreness once there melt away from his touch.

    Her hips slid forward meeting his from the tightness present in her lower half. Just thinking of the feelings they brought each other had Niamh with one foot over the edge already. Blaise's hand skimmed across the skin on her rear, reveling in the plump shape.

    He could smell her scent of arousal almost immediately as he pushed her light jacket from her arms, meeting the erect nipples lying beneath her thin shirt. One hand carefully molded itself around one breast. Appreciation for her body made Blaise shudder.

   Her hand followed his as she gripped them both over the flesh. Blaise hooked an arm under the teasing leg she ran along his side. His stomach came closer to her center,clenching from the heat of what was waiting there.

     In one motion, Niamh had herself straddling Blaise as he sat upright. Her shirt came over her head and landed elsewhere in the room. Her skin crawled with sensation as her body moved against the rise of his member. She watched as his pupils dilated from what  she served him . His hearing began to muffle, only being able to detect her earnest moans. His mouth devoured her brown orbs as they stood tantalizingly in front of him.

   Niamh grasped his shoulders tightly as a sob escaped her chest. Blaise immediately pulled away from the sound.

    Blaise's head lifted in uncertainty as he saw something pass in her eyes.

    " What's wrong?"

    What was Niamh emotionally ready to give up and handle?

    "Nothing..."She lied. Blaise moved her to sit on the bed as her eyes refused to meet his.

   " We don't have to do anything tonight okay? If you're not ready especially-"

   " It's you or them." She interrupted. He watched her grab her shirt from the ground, attempting to hide within it.

     " Excuse me?"

     " I can't handle both...I don't think.  You , my mother, and brother."

     A lump in his throat formed as he watched her lips form the words." What are you saying Niamh."

       A long silence passed before she stood to put back on her jeans while her previous feelings diminished.

     " I can't shoulder learning to deal with you and getting back with my family. It's too much for me to handle along with inserting myself into Daniel's life. Or the other way around really. It just all can't be handle at the same time right now Blaise is basically what I'm getting at." She said exasperated.

     "Deal with me?No one has suggested you having to choose between your family and I Niamh. When have I ever made you feel like it has to be one or the other?" His voice began to rise as panic resided within him.

    " And I'm not saying that you have at all Blaise. I'm not." She shouted back. Blaise walked to the far wall, turning on the light.

   " Well I sure am hearing what you think you said differently."

   "I have to weigh my options here. I can't be torn between wanting the love you can give me, or getting back the love I know and recognize from them. That's just not how it works. I've made up my mind Blaise and you....." Niamh wiped her hand across her face." You are looking pretty expendable right now. And I mean that in the most polite way possible."

       The lie singed her mouth as she turned away, gasping at what she had said. The severity of her words was unmistakable.  

    " Just like that? I mean, I know it hasn't been some tremendous stretch of time since we've known each other but...you're just dismissing me. Right?" Warped versions of the many stories of the times Niamh let go of her lust interests before him came to mind. He singled in on one factor he seemed to have in common." Just like the other guys you've fucked."

    Blaise had many women he simply fucked.

    And he was certain that many of those women considered him just a man they fucked.

    Had she been anyone else, the shock, and dare he say hurt, wouldn't have been this heavy.

     Niamh stood still at the turn of events. His words were keen and spiteful.

    "That was necessary?"

    " I guess just as necessary as it was for you to bring me this far in and declare that you're wiping your hands of me." Blaise walked close to Niamh, almost clipping her shoulder as he went to his dresser, pulling out the first pieces of clothing he touched. He saw the sun rising outside and it only seemed to fuel his anger. Anger at Niamh. Anger at himself.

     " This is all we need, right? You're fulfilled and I guess we can just carry out our business we have now."

      "No, Blaise your missing the point. I didn't say that the way I wanted to." Niamh grabbed on to his arm keeping him from putting on the running shoes he pulled from his closet. She felt the muscles in his arm tense and release before he stripped her hands from him.

      " You always say what you mean Niamh." He spoke sarcastically.

     "Then you know that I meant it when I said I loved you. I love you Blaise, that isn't going to change. I just can't love you right now."

    "You don't pick and choose when you love!" His voice boomed rendering her silent.

     " You're not going to sit here and place me on a future schedule to get to when you please."

    " Under any other situation where I didn't have other things on the line, you know this wouldn't be the case Blaise! Just until all of this is over. Can we hold off until then?"

    " I'm inconvenient." Blaise stood in front of Niamh looking like the man she had seen the first night she met him. He looked uninterested and solemn.

     "My family Blaise... I just want...I need to get that together again."

    " I completely agree with you. They should be your focus Niamh." Blaise nodded his head as he tightened his lips against each other. His voice became hoarse as he spoke to her. The acceptance he wanted to have for her family coming before him was hard to swallow. He wasn't in her situation; a situation where knowing if your parent or sibling could throw away the knives thrown their way to make it back to the love they knew was there. A selfish part of his being wanted to shake out the reason for why she couldn't balance it the way he was.

    But the reasonable, more conscious part of Blaise knew better than to ask her such a thing. Maybe this was a spurt of love. Love that he had secretly searched for after years of his escapades.

      " I understand Niamh." A false sense of calmness was hard for him to convey. He tried to give a subtle smile in response to her downturned features. There an unspoken command that forced Niamh's legs to move around Blaise.  She found herself stopped at the doorway, crushing her hands into its ridges.

      " If you'll have me, I can be there for you once all is said and done Blaise. It's an offer I won't take back. I know you're  angry right now, I can only imagine. It's not fair, I know, to ask you for this. It's the only way I know how to be able to give you my all.  We can both give love at the same time if only you would wait for me."

     Niamh didn't know what to expect. She wanted him to admit that he had let his anger and surprise get the best of him, that he may have overreacted.

    She felt that she had the basis of him down. That he would do exactly what her heart told her he would. He couldn't drop what they had going this easily. He just couldn't. Niamh had said something rash, and tried to correct it. She just wanted a promise of cooperation. If she could freeze time selectively, she would have the moment before she spoke the words that turned the mood sour.

    " I hope everything works out Niamh." His words left to room for speculation, they forced Niamh out of the house and into her car. She felt the exhaustion seeping deeper into her bones as she became drained.

     Niamh didn't know how to make two things work at the same time. Especially nothing this grand.  Never in her life had she felt less equipped than now. Maybe she wasn't strong enough to give the love Blaise needed. Maybe it was too much.

       She knew what love was with her family. She needed to rekindle it first.

    Niamh began to compose her own conclusion.

   If she never searched for romantic love when her family prospered from happiness and only found it when the relationship between her mother and brother became strained, then maybe....maybe she wouldn't have to worry about the decaying of her heart she felt now.

      If things went back to the way they were before, the feeling of loving Blaise could finally leave as the stand in for what she couldn't feel from her family.

        The stubbornness of Blaise and Niamh would prove that neither of them quite understood what it meant to love someone unconditionally.They had little experience to base it off of. They had little understanding of what sacrificing and working toward love was.

    But now it was ahead of them, and they are bound to smash right into it.