Even Lovers Drown CH 24

A few days later, as Shireen had told her would be the case, Olivia received the vetting package issued; she spent the evening at home filling out the forms.

As usual, she had her favorite news channel on to keep her company and a bottle of wine on one hand and a bowl of popcorn on the other.

Just as she was finishing the last of the many-paged document, it was close to eleven o'clock so the top of the hour newscast was beginning.

Of course, the leading story was the hostage situation. It had been eight days since they'd been taken. Without realizing it, Olivia began forming in her mind her ideas of how she would have been handling the press situation from the White House.

As soon as she became conscious of what she'd been doing, Olivia pushed those thoughts out of her head. She did not work for the White House any longer. She did not work for him any more either.

Her head knew that - but her heart wasn't one hundred percent convinced. Not yet.

Olivia was surprised to feel anger at the thought. Fitz was done with her - he'd said the words and made it very clear by his actions that he was done. Well then, so be it. Forget what happened in that phone call, she told herself. He was drinking, he had been sad, he had been hurt.

And so was she. Let it go, she told herself. Let it be. Give yourself the grace to know what you can not change.

She drained the rest of her glass in one long swallow and poured another before she could think about it. All the while, her eyes were focused on the screen, but she wasn't really seeing it. The images dancing before her eyes were of Fitz and her and the last time they'd come together.

After the fact, she'd hated him. She'd hated herself even more. But she couldn't lie to herself; while it had been happening, Olivia had felt so differently. For a few stolen moments the months of isolation and abandonment had melted away. It was the same now as it had been then - and she couldn't - wouldn't allow herself to be used and hurt any more.

That turned out easier said than done.

Olivia closed her eyes, willing the memories to go away, but they wouldn't. Behind her closed lids they only grew more vivid, the images running one into another like watercolors in the rain.

After James' toast, she'd tried to slip away unnoticed, but before she'd gotten too far, Olivia heard footsteps behind her. It wasn't necessary to look behind her. She knew who it was. Every inch of her did.

Her heart began to race, now as it did then. Olivia tried to hold herself together. It was enough that they had had to stand face to face during the ceremony; bad enough that their fingers had had to touch while holding baby Ella.

Bad enough that his eyes had bored into hers and wouldn't let go.

Bad enough that she couldn't take her eyes from his.

Olivia tried to concentrate on the end of the hall; all she had to do was make it there. She didn't want to talk to him, she couldn't talk to him - not here, not now.

He didn't give her the option. Suddenly, Fitz's hand was under her arm, snatching her away from escape. She was propelled through a doorway she hadn't even noticed was there, into a room that was a world away from the bright lights and carpeted hallways. She blinked, trying to re-orient herself in a space of dim lights and silence.

Fitz didn't give her the chance. He was on her before she could think; his body pressing against her own, his hands - warm and strong catching and holding her head in place - while his mouth sought out hers.

His kiss was demanding, relentless. It filled her with fire, equals parts of rage and passion, snatching both breath and reason away.

The sound of her hand across his face crackled like a shot. Fitz took a step back but his eyes never left hers. The only reaction she saw was in his eyes. They were intent upon hers, yet unpenetrable, impossible to read in the dim lights, yet powerful and potent enough to hold her still.

Heart and mind rebelled until outrage -did he think she merely a toy for him to play with whenever he pleased? - and desire finally imploded, burning the meager defences of pride and pain into ashes. Then she was in his arms, her own coming up to pull him to her, his sliding around her in a possessive grip that was pleasure almost to the point of pain, her soft lips opening desperately beneath his demanding almost punishing kiss, never knowing until this moment, how much love could hurt - how much love could need...

It was not a time for tenderness, it was loss and pain and memories - and yes, love in all its rawness - that drove them both into one another's arms.

Damn him, the thought rippled through her. Damn him to the seventh circle of hell and back -Fitz had always been a dominating lover and he knew her all too well, knew how to bring her into helpless, willing submission.

He was doing it now; his mouth traveling over her flesh, tongue tracing heated patterns on her skin. His mouth sought out the softness of her neck, and her head fell back at the sensation of his lips against her throat.

When the high-necked scoop of her dress held him from moving further down, from seeking out the pulse now beating madly in the hollow of her throat, she heard him growl almost soundlessly. One hand slid up to cup her chin, and then he was turning her in his arms, molding her body against his own. She could feel the length of him, hot and hard and ready for her.

Hands fumbled greedily at her zipper, baring her skin to him. She gasped as his lips found a sensitive spot just behind her ear; tongue and lips played at it and then moved, lower - lower, sliding hot and moist against her skin while she whimpered - whimpered- in need.

His harsh gasps echoed that need in her ear and caused her to arch against him. Moments later, his hands were tugging at the last remaining barrier between them, flimsy silk sliding down her thighs, and everything became a heated blur; he was in her, stroking endlessly inside of her. His mouth never stopped moving, lips and tongue licking, suckling, devouring her. Hands grasping hers, then gliding over her body, stroking at her most secret, erotic places with a sweet familiarity that melted her to the core.

She moaned and the sound of her sent his mouth swooping onto hers. Olivia felt herself soaring higher with desire as his body reacted, driving even more intensely into her.

His hold on her shifted, one hand zeroing in, pressing upon at innermost point of her pleasure and her senses dissolved into pure molten bliss. She knew what he wanted, what he needed - he needed for Oliva to find her release while he was deep inside of her.

He wouldn't stop - she wanted him to never stop. She wanted... She wanted what he demanded it of her. Fitz always had, there was always the need, for her to reach her pleasure before he did. She knew what he wanted and ached to give it to him.

Olivia shuddered, her pulse beating madly as his body, his hands, his mouth brought her ever closer to the edge, ever closer to ecstasy... until suddenly, there was no other choice left to her. Olivia spasmed around him mindlessly, again and again and again...

"No!" a ragged gasp escaped her lips. Ripples of remembered pleasure surged through her body, even as Olivia's eyes flew open, finding herself suddenly back into the here and now.

Her breath caught with the intensity of quaking inside of her, her body quivering with the memory of him. She caught up her glass and downed its contents, trying to fight the ache and echo of desire still ember-warm inside of her that took too long to fade away.

Olivia set her glass down, very very carefully. She stood, she moved, she turned off the television and then the lights.

She stood silently in the dark for a very long time, damning him as she had so many times before.

/**/

The night was long and empty, with little sleep to be found there because of the traitorous thoughts that intruded. At first light, Olivia woke up with a nagging headache and a more than irritated disposition.

She'd be no good at work like this, Olivia decided, so maybe she should try and sleep in a little - why not, since she was the boss? She called into the OPA offices and left a message on the office voicemail; it was easier than calling one of her team - she was in no mood to deal with questions. She had a good enough reason - she'd walk the vetting forms for Shireen over to the Pentagon herself rather than deal with a delivery service. Decision made, she turned over and let herself drift off into a short but thankfully dreamless sleep.

It was mid-morning before she'd managed to get herself out of bed, showered and dressed and on her way by car driving across the river to the Pentagon complex.

After being signed in, a few inquiries led to her being directed to the appropriate department within the complex. She was surprised to learn that her destination was within the Joint Chiefs of Staff offices; then again, she recalled, they were away from the casual visitor.

Olivia was explaining her purpose to the officer-secretary on duty and was just about to hand over the packet when a vaguely familiar voice came from behind her.

"You know, you could have just waited to meet me again Friday." He let a self-confident grin come over his face. "But I can understand why you couldn't wait to see me again. That date was too far away, right?

She turned around in surprise. It was Jake. Looking all too handsome in officer navy blues. Captain Jake, she noted from his insignia.

"Of course it is." he went on, answering his own question. "Not that I blame you...I'd look forward to spending some time with me too. You could have called - I would have come to you."

His arrogance and grin was charming - charming enough that Olivia found herself unable to resist smiling back at him. For the first time, she noticed what an attractive shade of blue his eyes were. After her restless night - she told herself - she needed something to take her mind off of the thoughts that had been plaguing her in the dark.

Seeing her smile, his own grew wider. "Captain Jacob Ballard, at your immediate service."

Olivia lifted an eyebrow. "Immediate?"

"Immediate." he said, an absolutely devilish gleam springing to life in his eye. "I'm a naval man - we're always prepared for any event - even beautiful women showing up unexpectedly at their doorstep."

Olivia chanced a glance at the woman officer that she'd been talking to. Her face was one of amusement. Obviously she was used to him and his attitude - and his conversations.

In spite of it, she smiled. And so did Olivia.

"I am not here on your doorstep - I'm here on business - not to track you down." she told him.

"Business." the way he said the word made it clear that he was inclined to doubt her intentions.

"Yes - I'm here to submit an employment vetting package." She began to explain, but he cut her off before she could get farther into it.

"Well, it just so happens that this would have come across my desk, so..." he let his voice trail off. "Doorstep."

"Well then, I guess I have to trust and put myself in your hands." Olivia said, deliberately leaving him an opening that she knew he would take.

"Smart as well as beautiful." Jake replied. "A lethal combination if ever I saw one." He gestured with one hand to the corridor of offices off to the left.

"Shall we?"

"Shall we - what?" Olivia suddenly realized that she was being deliberately provocative, but the alpha male in Captain Jake Ballard was bringing that out in her. And damn him if he didn't know it. His eyes lit up in appreciation.

"Once step at a time, Ms. Pope. Will you follow me?"