Somehow, Fitz managed to actually find it in him to put himself at ease of a sorts. It was hard but not impossible to push the the problems and issues of the world away and concentrate on the world around him right here and right now. 

Well fed, with good company, and the sight of Teddy and Ella playing together, Fitz stretched out and relaxed even more, letting his thoughts drift where they would - a luxury that didn't often come his way.   

He hadn’t counted on the isolation of winning the White House - or that the possibility of days like this would become nearly impossible to make happen. Usually anywhere he went, it was motorcades and chase cars, ambulances, the secret service and snipers. It was really a miracle he’d gotten away at all today and it probably wouldn’t happen for a long time, if ever, again.  

His thoughts took an unexpected turn. It wasn’t supposed to have been that heavy a burden. Olivia was supposed to have been there. Olivia was supposed to have made things that much more bearable. Olivia was supposed to be there to help with the big decisions and the small, to help him carry the load.

But she hadn’t. She’d betrayed him and then she’d walked away with nothing but a formal letter and the pin she’d given him. He’d lost the something special in his life.

And then, everything in his life had begun to go to hell. 

Today was not the day to think about any of it. With the sound of easy conversation and children’s playing as a comforting sound in the background, Fitz felt himself drifting into a half-doze. The sun was warm overhead, the sangria was sweet on his tongue, the laughter of his son and his god-daughter was music in his ears. 

And Olivia was here. 

She was here, close enough to sense her presence, close enough to hear her voice. Just for a moment he could pretend that everything in his life was okay.  Better than okay. He felt a brief smile curve his lips.

It was obvious that they had noticed him and lowered their voices as a result. He was thankful for it and let their voices lull him further into rest. He was so very tired. The pressures of the days and the inability to sleep at night had been grinding him down to nothing.

Now he was just letting himself rest in the sounds of an everyday Sunday morning.

More than once though, James and then Cyrus had managed to coax a laugh out of her, making Fitz realize just how long it had been since he had heard the sound. There was a part of him that couldn’t help remember how she could lift his heart with it. It did the same now, however much he tried to remind himself that it was probably as false as the rest of her. 

Or was that just a convenient lie that he told himself?

When she wasn’t paying attention, Fitz found himself stealing  glances at her from underneath lowered lids, just to see the pleasure on her face as she played finger games with Teddy and Ella, or helped them steady their sippy cups and feed them bites from her plate. 

She would make such a wonderful mother - another errant thought came unwillingly and unwantedly to mind. Any child of hers would be so lucky to have Olivia Pope as their mother...

He couldn’t help but compare the scene around him to what it would have been like if Mellie was there. 

Bad move. 

Mellie would have never been persuaded to kick off her shoes. Mellie would have never pulled her hair back into a simple ponytail. Mellie would have never allowed herself to be seen sitting on blankets in the grass in a pair of jeans. 

Fitz tried to remember if she ever had done any of those things, even if only with the kids when they were little. 

He couldn’t.

Fitz’s mood darkened. He had thought he’d known what the burdens of the presidency would be when he had first decided to run for the office. The reality didn’t compare to what he’d thought awaited him.

As for Mellie? He knew his wife had been the perfect political asset that his father had always wanted for him. He had even wanted Mellie for herself, at least in the beginning, before he had come to see that the political life was all-consuming to her. It wasn’t even really her fault - she’d been bred and raised to be the perfect political wife in every way. 

Sadly, she would have never enjoyed a day like today. 

A chorus of “awws” brought him back to his surroundings. Fitz opened his eyes to see Ella and Teddy sitting together and holding hands. Even as he watched, Ella leaned forward and gave Teddy a sweet kiss on his cheek. 

Olivia, Cyrus and James were all laughing. So were Teddy and Ella and it was all a balm to his soul. 

“If this keeps up, the two of them are going to grow up being best friends.” Cyrus said with a chuckle. 

“They’re already best friends,” James said. “Can I just state for the record here and now that it wouldn’t bother me one bit if they go on to become very good friends.” 

Without thinking, Fitz’s eyes opened and went straight to Olivia’s face only to find her looking directly right back at him.  Those three little words packed a punch for the both of them. After all, that’s what they had been, once upon a time.

Very good friends. Or at least that was what they had told themselves.

//**//

Neither Cyrus nor James had seemed to have noticed their quick exchange of glances. 

Fitz quickly shuttered his eyes again, his thoughts going a mile a minute, his thoughts veering colliding, tangling, sharply one against the other. Something had shifted in that moment when their eyes had met and he had no idea what the hell it was. 

After their last passionate encounter in the White House, Fitz had told himself a million times, night after lonely night that Olivia no longer had that kind of effect on him. He had drove himself relentlessly in his work, in exercise - in booze - trying to prove that to himself. And with one glance was it now all unraveling again? 

He clenched his teeth against that lie. In its wake, a dull anger re-awoke, threatened the lightness of the day like stormclouds on the horizon.

A little later he listened as the conversation changed. There was talk of the sangria running low and Olivia volunteering, then insisting with a laugh that she be the one to take care of the refill. 

He waited for a few minutes, pretended to wake up, pretended to need to use the bathroom and followed the directions to find it, leaving Cyrus, James and the babies outside. 

In the bathroom, Fitz splashed some water in his face and stared at himself in the mirror, still not sure of what he was going to do - only sure that he was going to do something.

He stopped in the kitchen doorway.  Olivia was still there, an empty glass beside her. As quiet as he was when he entered the kitchen, Fitz could tell she knew that he was behind her.

She was standing at the sink looking out into the backyard. She didn’t turn to face him; he watched one hand crept up to curl around the sink’s edge, as though to steady herself. Olivia said something by way of explantation, but Fitz barely heard it. 

Instead he moved so that he was standing only a pace behind her. They stood together in silence, watching the scene outside while something in his heart rolled over and an ache spread through his chest.

He felt her body react, felt her breathing speed up slightly and realized that his was doing the same. 

He didn’t know what to do and that indecision only fed the darkness in him. Indecision was weakness and weakness was not allowed. 

Fitz was startled from his thoughts by the sound of her voice.

“Fitz.” Her voice was small, hesitant. “Don’t do this...” Her voice was just a little bit unsteady although he could hear the effort she was putting in not to show it. 

“Do what?” he knew what she meant but he wouldn’t admit it. There was anger in his voice - he couldn’t help it - there was a part of him that didn’t want to want to help it. She had hurt him and he still needed to hurt her back - and the dark part of him that had had control all this time - that part of him couldn’t help but remember that and filled him with that dark desire.  “Don’t do what, Olivia?” 

He had no idea what his voice did to her when it went low and intense, but he sensed a change in her. The silence between them went electric, charged with the knowledge that they were alone. Together.

Yet never had they been so far apart. 

He was angry, he was hurt. She was here, close to him. 

And then there was this - after so long not being able to say her name without the pain of loss and betrayal clinging to it, the sound of it on his lips shivered through him. 

Despite the warning signals going off in his brain, Fitz moved dangerously closer. He just couldn’t help himself. 

“Don’t do - this.” one hand came up helplessly, gesturing outside. “The last little while has been ...peaceful. You looked so peaceful and at rest...” 

So she had been watching him just as he had been watching her. 

Olivia went on. “Don’t do this to yourself. I-I don’t want to fight. Today has been a good day - please don’t destroy it...”

Fitz leaned in, looking over her shoulder. They were close enough now that he could sense every inch of her body so very, very close to his. The sensation of her so close to him danced across his skin, raising the hair on his arms into goosebumps.

Fitz ruthlessly ignored the sensation. At least he tried to. Much easier to focus on his pain than - her and what she did to him - just by being near him.

“Destroy what? That? The sight of the children playing together? Take a good look, Olivia.” 

He took a moment to take in the sight himself. The old anger rose up in him and the pain of it almost choked him.

Fitz  bent his mouth down to her ear. His breath was warm against the curve of her flesh. Being this near to her again after all this time did strange things to him. His heart quivered, his chest aches, his body tenses in a pleasure that so strong that it’s pain. 

It didn’t stop the words from coming out. 

“It’s not me that’s the destroyer - it’s you. You see them? Teddy and Ella together? That’s another dream you killed for me.”