Best Western Hotel, Lock Haven, PA

Tara looked at her wristwatch and struggled to steady her vision to read the time. After several blinks she could finally see the numbers.

2:19 a.m.

Where is he, damn it?

She should be asleep, not walking all over the hotel with gin, looking for her drinking buddy.

Tara knew there was a strong chance that Joshua was busy with a local fan. There was no question that the rest of the band was busy having sex. The Lock Haven show favored more women than their usual demographics, which did put her a bit at ease. Playing these gigs way up in Fucksville-Nowhere, Pennsylvania made her a little nervous. Ain't that many black folk running around in these hills.

Tara twisted off the silver cap of the Tanqueray bottle and took a short swig. After putting her ear to Joshua's door and heard no moans of delight to the tune of musical bedsprings, she took her chances and knocked softly.

It didn't surprise her when a ratty-haired blonde, with khol-smudged eyes cracked open to slits, answered the door.

Yeah, Tara concluded, she definitely interrupted something. Not caring further, she asked for Joshua.

"Hey, is J around?"

Blonde fangirl looked tired and was possibly still drunk.

"No." Oh, and Ms. Thing sounded annoyed too.

"He said he was going for a smoke," She mumbled, barely hiding her indignation. Blonde Fangirl's eyes widened a bit more to cast a suspicious look at Tara. She knew this chick was probably wondering if she came to Joshua's room for a late-night booty call. 

Tara let out a half-suppressed/half scornful short laugh. As if that would ever happen.

Before Blonde Fangirl could get upset, Tara turned to walk away and tossed a half-hearted "Thanks," over her shoulder.

She was slightly thrown that he left the girl on her own in his hotel room.

To go for a smoke.

That's what Joshua always told people when he felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave. Tara wondered how many of his friends knew he actually didn't even know how to smoke.

Thinking he might be in the parking lot, she pushed a side entrance door and left the building. Tara cursed out loud, when she felt rough gravel sharply poking under her bare feet. If she knew she'd be walking all over this shitty hotel property looking for Joshua, she would have worn shoes.

But she wasn't thinking, much less thinking soberly. Tonight's phone call with Damon left her unsettled. Why does this boyfriend-girlfriend thing have to be so hard? Joshua would know what to tell her. He always seemed to know how to keep her steady.

The night air was refreshing but chilly. Her nipples hardened painfully, making her wished she had on a bra.

She had enough alcohol in her blood to keep her from answering that little voice that asked why she had fallen into the habit of running to Joshua for support or answers or ...

Was there something else she needed from him?

With no one and nothing stirring about the parking lot, Tara was about to give up until she heard the soft thumbing of bass strings. With a smile, she followed Joshua's melody until she found him sitting around the back of the hotel by the pool.

Finally.

Joshua sat at the pool's edge, playing with his bass while his jeaned legs were submerged. The pool's lights made his body glow with the refracting water rippling licks across his face. She recognized the tune. One of those old school joints by Earth, Wind, and Fire. The sound of Joshua's bass played acoustically reminded her so much of deep blues chords. She always found herself gravitating close to him when he was messing about with tunes. She liked his musical choices, and it always surprised her when he picked 70s R&B songs.

Sensing her presence, Joshua looked up, eyes dark with question and something else Tara couldn't put her finger on.

"Tara," his voice, deep but soft, caused a little tickle in her belly that she always fought to ignore. "What are ya doing out here?"

Later, she'll have to remind herself to tell Joshua that he should consider a career as a Quiet Storm DJ if this band stint doesn't work out; because, damn, his voice! But right now, she needed to talk to him.

But how to start it?

"Eh. Couldn't sleep," Tara tried to sound blasé. "Mind if I chill with you a bit?"

Joshua's smile spread wide across his face. "Not at all. Come on over."

Tara knew that slow, Cheshire Cat smile dropped many a women's panties. Thank goodness she was immune to hot white boys.

She faltered in step. She mentally corrected herself: immune to white boys, period.

Tara made her way around the pool to sit next to him. She settled her feet in the water like him and placed the gin between them.

"J, can I ask you a question?"

Without waiting for an answer, Tara continued. "Do you think it's wrong for a woman to enjoy blow jobs?"

Tara wouldn't look at him. She just stared out over the illuminating pool.

Why am I nervous? She couldn't say. It's not as if she needed Joshua to see things her way. But...in her heart, she wanted him to be a different kind of guy.

"Well, why not? Especially if she has a dick," Joshua chuckled deeply enough to illicit a warm smile from Tara. She'd seen his quick sense of wit before but it always puzzled her why he kept that side of him away from most.

"No, J," she pushed against his side with her shoulder, requesting him to be serious for a moment. "I mean, what if she likes giving blow jobs." He saw her start to fidget as she paused. "Do you think it that it's...it's a...bad thing?"

"Tara," Joshua stopped playing his bass, not sure what to say next. "Where is this coming from?"

Tara couldn't answer immediately. She just watched her feet kick around in the pool, with only the sound of water ripples and the night winds to respond.

Joshua remained patient. She appreciated that about him. He never rushed her, even when she was late for the drive to their next gig.

"Damon and I had a fight tonight."

Joshua struggled to not physically demonstrate how annoying he found her boyfriend. Instead he placed his bass behind him on a chair to give her his full attention. He didn't get what she saw in that fuckwit but, whatever.

"Yeah?" Joshua remarked coolly, and reached for her bottle.

"Yeah, I called him up when I got in my room. We were talking like we do. And I was saying how much I missed him and what I wished I could do to him if he were here." Tara's voice trailed off.

Joshua glanced over to Tara. She kept her head down while her feet made circles in the water. He knew the story wasn't over and so he waited.

Shit. Just fucking say it, Tara!

"Damon said that men don't like it if a woman's really good at giving head. He said it means that she's been around too much."

Joshua stayed very still and too quiet for Tara's comfort. He wasn't even looking at her but rather, looked straight ahead. 

Tara grew nervous and rushed on with the rest of her story.

"I don't remember all of it now. But he basically said that he devalued her as a potential mate and her behavior could make her man worried that she might need to fuck around on him."

Joshua gripped the neck of the gin bottle tightly and kept focused on the other side of the pool.

"Damon said all of that, huh?" he asked firmly.

All of a sudden, Tara felt fidgety and thirsty. She shot a shy look to Joshua and reached out for the bottle.

"Yeah," she said and quickly cleared her throat. "He said it's unbecoming of a good black woman to revel in such acts," she continued, putting air quotes around the word, acts.

There was enough light reflecting up from the pool that Tara could see Joshua's eyes rapidly scanning back and forth as if he was concentrating or angry or...something. But still, he stayed quiet.

Unsure of what else to do, Tara sighed deeply and took another drink.

 "Yeah, that's kinda fucked up, Tara."  He signaled to get his turn at the bottle.

Tara wanted to tell him that this made her question Damon's behavior. Sometimes, she got the feeling that he was keeping secrets from her. There were times when she wasn't on the road but he was too busy to come see her; nights when he said he was working late at the bank but his car wasn't in the parking lot when she drove by after she finished her late shift. Not wanting to look like the jealous exes he complained about in his past, Tara kept quiet. But after the phone call tonight, she really needed to talk to someone. If she were to be honest with herself, she was getting concerned about their relationship.

Joshua continued and brought her out of her internal monologue.

"Look, I'm not trying to get into your business and I sure as hell don't want to know about your sex life," he clarified. The last part was said with enough bite that it made Tara wince inside.

"I can't speak for every guy-"

"Then speak for yourself!" Tara felt herself getting angry.

Tara was accustomed to people getting nervous when she showed her anger. It wasn't the greatest stereotype to embody but it was certainly effective when you wanted to be heard. If Joshua was taken aback, he certainly didn't show it. Strangely enough, he laughed, which seemed to irk her even more so.

Tara reached for the bottle again but her hand was stilled by Joshua's. His hand felt cool on hers yet made her face grow warm.

The gesture sent goosebumps up her arm. Tara made the mistake of looking up to his face. His dark eyes targeted her own with a fervent stare that made her swallow hard.

 "I'm not into making a woman do anything she's not comfortable with. Do I enjoy blowjobs? Fuck yeah, I do." Tara found it harder to concentrate on his words when she felt his thumb caressing her knuckles. Her feet kicked faster in the water to distract her from the fluttering happening in her belly.

 "And if a woman is not only skilled but truly loves to have my dick tickle her tonsils, it's a bonus."

Tara didn't expect to hear that. A heartily laugh burst from her chest, pulling her hand from Joshua's and out of his spell.

"How romantic!"

Joshua reeled back slightly, as if he had been struck.

"Hardly," he countered with a short hard laugh. "I'm a cynic."

Tara blinked twice and inquisitively cocked her head.

 "J, a cynic is the truest romantic there is."

Joshua searched her eyes for a trace of malicious teasing. He said none. He pulled his legs out of the water to look off to the parking lot. He shifted his body to pull legs under his chin with and hugged his arms tight around his calves, as if to take less space and tuck safely into himself.

Tara stole a glance at him. She was acutely aware of Joshua's withdrawal. She fought the urge to bite a fingernail, wondering if she said the wrong thing. If so, it was too late to take it back.

 I talk too damn much, she silently berated herself.

Tara wondered if he was going to leave. But Joshua made no attempt to move and so they both let the night breeze have its say for a while.

---

"What are you humming?"

Intoxication made Tara process questions slowly.

"Huh?" Tara said, pulling her water-wrinkled feet out of the pool.

"The song, was that...was that the Toys R Us commercial jingle?"

As if given her cue, Tara's voice lifted up over the cool night. "From bikes to trains to video games, it's the biggest toy store there is! Gee whiz! I don't wanna grow up ‘cause maybe if I did, I couldn't be a Toys R Us kid!"

Joshua perked up and surprised her for the second time that evening. The wide smile beaming off his face couldn't stop him from joining in. "More games more toys, oh boy!"

"I wanna be a Toys R Us kid!"

They laughed in unison and the tension from before, evaporated and wafted away.

Tara felt the world tip and she fell backwards.

"Whoa! You ok, Tara?" Joshua caught her before she smacked her head on the concrete.

Tara shook her head, in an effort to clear up the dizziness.

Joshua turned and stretched his legs out. "Here, lay on my legs for a bit," he offered, pulling her gently down.

Tara followed orders and rested her head against his thighs and closed her eyes. Joshua softly stroked her forehead. "There, you ok, now?"

"Mmm," She couldn't have been more content. His long fingers were callused at the tips from years of strumming and thumping string instruments. But she didn't mind. Tara found Joshua's simple gesture of stroking her head, tender. It made her think how rarely she had tender moments with Damon.

Just under the soft breeze came a rumbling sound.

"Actually," she began, realizing that she was hungry. "I could do with a big conch salad right about now."

"What's conch?" Joshua asked, falling back to lay flat on his back.

"It's like a giant snail. You find them in the Caribbean. We fry ‘em as fritters, grill ‘em, make salads, sandwiches, chowder, almost everything, really." Just thinking about it made Tara's stomach growl louder. "Goddamn, I'm getting hungry!"

"I thought it was pronounced ‘conCH', with a hard CH at the end."

Tara mentally shook her head at him.

"Look, my people are from the islands. And we all say ‘conK' with a K sound. And since it's from there, you should take my word for it."

By the subtle shift of Joshua's body, Tara concluded he probably just shrugged as he normally does when he stopped caring about the subject.

The two of them lapsed into a comfortable silence. Tara was happy to let her mind wander over the smell of tiger lilies and the earthy musk of wildflowers nearby.

"Tara?"

"Hm?" Tara kept her eyes closed.

She felt his legs wiggling under her head. Damn it, he was making this less relaxing.

"Get up. I need to talk to you; about something important."

Tara groaned, mourning her loss of comfort. She sat up to face him, making sure he saw her frown of disappointment.

Joshua's eyes scanned Tara's as if searching for an unspoken question. "Maybe you should consider leaving Damon. It's obvious a woman like you shouldn't be messing with a guy like him."

"The fuck?!" Tara felt her blood bubbling. Who the fuck was he to call her a slut? She thought Joshua would have understood. She thought he would have been different.

Tara wanted to get away before she kicked this fool in the head. Serves her right to bring her issues to him.

"So, because I ain't ashamed of liking blow jobs, I ain't good enough for him?" She scrambled to rise up and away from him but Joshua fought to keep her from leaving.

"No, that's not it," Joshua countered. "A guy like Damon needs a woman who isn't in charge of her body or her...pleasure.  He needs her to have inhibitions."

Tara didn't want hear this. She turned her face away. She didn't want it to be true.

"But let's be clear," Joshua lightly turned Tara's face to return her focus to him. His stare drew her in, making her feel heady. Joshua's fingertips traced her cheek, lovingly. Tara felt herself growing hot.  "When I'm with a woman, I don't want any hang-ups in the bedroom."

"Don't you want that too, Tara?" Joshua lightly grazed the side of her face until his fingers danced across her lips. His hot visual study of her mouth was so piercing; it made her forget to breathe.

Tara's head felt thick and heavy. Her lips fell open slightly and Joshua's vision quickly narrowed on them.

Tara's head was swimming. She didn't even realize that she was holding on to Joshua's shirt for balance.

Gin was always their chaperone on their late night talks. These sessions seem to be happening more frequently. But at this moment she couldn't tell if she felt tipsy because of alcohol or because of Joshua.

"J, I don't under-what are you saying?" Maybe it was just the alcohol talking. But she needed to hear him clearly. She needed clarification.

Joshua pulled her close enough to feel his cool lips and warm breath against her temple. She wasn't even aware that her hands were making their way to his neck and face.

 "Tara, I've wanted you for so long now." Joshua dropped feather-light kisses along her forehead.

"Shit, J," Tara threaded her fingers in Joshua's thick, black hair. It felt so soft. 

"You don't know how long I've wanted to touch you," Joshua's lips made a trail down her nose, took a quick peck, and then stopped at her mouth. He teased and scraped at her lips but wouldn't quite make direct contact. "These juicy lips...I've wanted-"

Tara grew impatient and pulled him to finally kiss; both of them fighting to envelope the other's mouth. Joshua's tongue took great swats and swirls at hers. She felt a hot desire that only seem to make her hungry for more. "Mm, J, you taste better than conch salad." 

Joshua moaned in agreement while greedily consuming her. Her body felt on fire and restless. Keeping her hands in his hair, she held him fast and she maneuvered them to lie back down. Joshua followed with no resistance and positioned himself between her legs while his hands bunched her shirt at her sides. Joshua rolled his body against her, and she felt him hard and pushing at the crotch of her sweats.

Not to be out done, Tara widened her legs to trap him against her. I need that dick, she thought as her hands left his hair to slip under his baggie jeans. She felt the soft yet muscular roundness of his buttocks. Oh shit, he has an ass under there!

Tara caressed him for a moment and gripped him tighter which drew a haggard moan from him, as he rolled his pelvis forward and drove himself harder at her core. Yeah, you like your ass grabbed, don't you? She felt like she was drinking him in.

Joshua tore his mouth from hers prematurely, producing a rebellious smack sound.

"Tara-" Joshua's thought was left incomplete, as his mouth burned a slick path down her neck. He took nips here and there, harder than she would have expected. Just when he reached the shallow dip at the base of her throat Tara felt her shirt roughly lifted up and over her head. The cold air hit her nipples, making them hard as pebbles. Before she could utter a protest, Joshua latched on to her right nipple, pulling and sucking it upwards and as deep into his mouth as she would allow. Tara's pussy drenched her panties immediately.

Joshua's lips and tongue were making sloppily loud pops and ticks sounds on her right breast while his left hand caressed and squeezed her left globe. The way he was touching her, making her groan under the delicious oral attack made her squirm with need.

 Jesus, the way he was going at her made her feel so sexy, desirable, and dare she believe it, irresistible.

Joshua broke his assault on her delectably sore breast. "Tara baby, you've been driving me crazy!"

"I know this isn't the place to do what I really want, but Tara, just let me taste you one time. I need to know how you taste."

"Can I, Tara? Let me lick that sweet pussy. Yeah? I promise I'll make you come."

"Tara?"

I can't stop myself. I need to feel him too. Tara felt his feverish hands pulling down her sweats, not caring that the hard concrete bit into her back. Oh shit, this is sooo much better than conch.

 "Tara!"

Tara was being shaken. Right at that moment, she felt as if she were two people, hearing Joshua from a distance but seeing him with his head still nuzzling at her navel. It was when she went to hold his head to her stomach that she realized she was dreaming.

Tara's body froze, as her brain searched for clarity. She felt his legs shift gently under her head. Fuck, she was still lying on his lap! She looked up to see Joshua sitting up again and smirking down at her with glint of mischief.

"What did I say?"

 "Something about being better than conch salad," he responded. There was a strange look in his eyes that Tara couldn't quite decipher. Was that amusement? Was he laughing at her? But the look he was giving her now was making her want to pull at the damp panties sticking to her twitching pussy. That heavy surveillance of his was intense; pulling her back to the memory of his lips engulfing her in a passion she never felt with Damon.

Damon! What am I doing? Tara felt guilty and confused all at once.

"I need to get the hell up out of here," she mumbled as struggled to her feet and away from Joshua's piercing stare.

"Uh...yeah," Joshua cleared his throat and slightly shook his head. He gave a small laugh but this time, Tara felt as if that it might have been directed at himself. "The tour bus is set to leave in 6 hours, so... Best get some sleep, huh?" Joshua stated, but not really asking for an answer.

"I'll help you back to your room," He pulled Tara to her feet.

"Thanks, J," she had barely gotten before she swayed too far off center. But her boy had that Jedi sense and caught her when she stumbled.

"Woo! I is drunk!" Tara burped and laughed out loud.

"Whoa, now," Joshua chuckled lightly and waited for her to find her balance.

"I said I'd walk you back. Here," he offered, lightly holding her shoulder with care, as they walked back across the pot hole-filled parking lot towards the hotel doors.

Tara didn't notice the sharp gravel under her bare feet this time. She was too caught up in her thoughts. She wasn't a ho. Nor did it mean that Damon was messing around on her either. She may have her doubts about his fidelity but she also knows she's just prone to negative thinking. Of course, he's probably pushing women off him. He's a handsome black man; one that's up and coming in the world. He could have his choice of any woman, regardless of race. And he picked her! That means something, doesn't it?

Tara was thankful for the lack of small talk during their walk. The good drunk high had worn off leaving her head feeling thick and her stomach unsettled. Maybe she was making a mountain out of a mole hill. Things could be worse. She could have baby-mama drama like her sisters. But Damon has managed to steer clear of accidental messes or unfortunate relationships that ended with tabloid-like drama. Tara thought back to their fight earlier in the evening. He's not without his faults. But then again, who is?

Tara thought about Joshua's comments. He was good at making her feel she had very little wrong with her. He was good at a lot of things...

Tara was grateful for the chance to lean on Joshua as he helped her walk across the parking lot, careful not to hurt her sensitive bare feet.

Joshua continued to hold her gingerly about the waist even when they entered the hotel premises. Although it was very late, she feigned tiredness so that she might nestle closer to him as they strolled down the corridors for her room. Their pace slowed as they turned down her hallway. Tara wanted to believe that he didn't want their time to end anymore than she did; that he wanted to delay its closing. The slow walk made it possible for her to tuck her head deeper into his shoulder and neck. She inhaled deeply, trying to memorize the scent of his skin. Tara felt the world tip dramatically again.

Christ, what is wrong with me?

 "Tara, you ok?"

When she no longer felt the world spinning, she looked up to see Joshua silently watching her. He didn't have concern in his eyes. His dark gaze sauntered from her eyes and took a short pause at her lips. Oh shit, did his face get closer?

Tara felt a moment of panic and drew a quick but loud intake of break. Tara shook her head and laughed to herself.  I'm so drunk, I'm seeing things.

Before she could decide on what was happening, Joshua stepped away and pulled Tara along. In a matter of seconds, Tara found them both standing in front of her room.

"Um...well, thanks for the talk and stuff," she wasn't sure why she felt so awkward.

"Yeah, I'm sure it's not that big of a deal," Joshua tried to reassure her. His voice was flat, nearly uttered under his breath. He had his head turned away from her and she saw a slight jaw bulge as he clenched his teeth. "Maybe you two just need to talk face to face." He still kept his head turned away.

Why doesn't he look at me?

"Uh...yeah. I guess," she muttered in the same bored tone as he gave her. She turned to unlock her hotel door. To Tara's surprise, Joshua's hand stayed at her side and held her firm.

"But let's be clear," Joshua then turned her to face him directly. She fought the urge to suck her belly in, under his hand as she slowly looked up to meet his penetrating stare. The feeling of déjà vu hit Tara like a punch to the gut.

"When I'm with a woman, I don't worry about who came before me. All that matters is that she's in my head as much as I'm in her body."

Joshua stepped back from a stunned Tara, his forceful eyes never leaving hers.

"Get some sleep but try not to be late. We gotta be in State College by 4 for check-in then to the club for sound check. Goodnight."