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Time For a Change

Chapter 11    Planning For the Future

The week at training has flown by but I’m glad because I can’t wait to see Evangeline again.  The engagement ring will burn a hole in my pocket if I don’t give it to her soon. I think that she’s ready and I know that I am.  How do I make this happen?  She plans to cook dinner for me on Saturday so when will I get the opportunity to ask her to marry me.  Do I want to wait for a candle light dinner at a restaurant even though neither of us is a showy person?  I think an intimate dinner at my or her apartment would suit us better.  With her cooking dinner how do I slip in a proposal?  So many things that I want to say to her but I can’t seem to find the words.  Maybe I can find a song that expresses what I want to say.  Well I only have a day or two to think of something.

Finally Saturday is here!  I have the dinner all prepared, a nice bottle of wine chilling, and music playing in the background.  Now I’m just waiting for John to arrive.  Ah, the doorbell, here he is.

“Hi John, welcome back.  How was the training?”

“It went very well.  I learned a lot of things but I am very glad to be back home and even gladder to see you.”

“Well thanks. Come in and make yourself at home. Dinner is ready.  Let’s wash up and we can eat.”

“Great, I am hungry. I saved my stomach for tonight’s feast.”

“That’s good to hear because I don’t want any leftovers.”

We sit and eat and talk about our week and then clean up the dishes and retire to the living room to sit and talk.

“John I asked you to come over because I wanted to talk to you about something important. I remember when we talked several months ago that I told you that I didn’t want a date but a mate and that I was looking for a permanent relationship.  You, at the time, said that you wanted the same.  Is that still true?”

“Yes it is Evangeline.  I want to marry you. That hasn’t changed for me. Is that what you want too?”

“Before I answer that I will ask you to do something for me.”

“What is it?”

“Will you dance with me?”

“Sure.”

We stand and he takes me in his arms and I press the remote for the music to start and my selected song starts to play:

Endless Love

Lionel Richie, Diana Ross

My love, there's only you in my life
The only thing that's bright

My first love, 
You're every breath that I take
You're every step I make

And I, I want to share
All my love with you
No one else will do

And your eyes, your eyes, your eyes
They tell me how much you care 
Ooh yes, 
You will always be
My endless love

Two hearts,
Two hearts that beat as one
Our lives have just begun

Forever (Oh)
I'll hold you close in my arms
I can't resist your charms

And love, oh love
I'll be a fool, for you I'm sure
You know I don't mind (Oh)
You know I don't mind

'Cause you,
You mean the world to me (Oh)
I know I know
I've found, I've found in you
My endless love

Ohh
Boom, boom, 
Boom, boom, boom boom, boom, 
Boom, boom, boom boom

Oh, and love oh, love
I'll be that fool for you I'm sure, 
You know I don't mind
Oh you know I don't mind

And, yes
You'll be the only one
'Cause no one can deny
This love I have inside
And I'll give it all to you
My love, my love, my love
My endless love

Songwriters: Lionel B. Richie / Jr.

Endless Love lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

I wait for the song to finish before I start to talk again.

“I want you John.  I want to be with you now and forever.  I love you John.  You are my endless love.”

“That was beautiful.  Thank you Evangeline for allowing me in your heart again.  I can’t tell you how thankful I am that you love me.  I love you more than I can say. Although I am getting better it is still hard for me to express my feelings but I don’t want you to ever doubt what you mean to me.  I want to marry you Evangeline.  Will you consent to be my wife?”

Getting on one knee I kneel before her, take her left hand with my left hand, and with my right hand I take the ring from my pocket.

“Evangeline Williamson will you marry me?  Will you make this poor slob from Atlantic City the happiest man in the world?”

“Yes John, yes I will marry you.”

I put the ring on her finger.  It fits perfectly.  I stand and kiss her with all the love that I have inside.  In that moment I am so happy. Music still plays in the background but I check her iPod for the song that I want and it is there. I cue it up and ask her to dance with me.  

“I won’t dare try to sing this song to you because you will take back your acceptance of my proposal if you hear my terrible singing voice.  What I will say about the song though is that it says what I want to say to you.  I am flawed and I know that I can’t do everything on my own.  I need God’s help to be the man that I should be for you and for me.  So dance with me and listen to the words.  They come from my heart too.”

The Man I Want to Be

Chris Young

God, I'm down here on my knees
Cause it's the last place left to fall
Beggin' for another chance
If there's any chance at all
That you might still be listenin'
Lovin' and forgivin' guys like me

I've spent my whole life gettin' it all wrong
And I sure could use your help cause from now on

I wanna be a good man
A 'do like I should' man
I wanna be the kind of man the mirror likes to see
I wanna be a strong man
And admit that I was wrong, man
God I'm asking you to come change me
To the man I wanna be

There's anyway for her and me to make another start
Could you see what you could do
To put some love back in her heart
Cause' it going to take a miracle
After all I've done to really make her see

That I wanna be a stay man
I wanna be a great man
I wanna be the kind of man that she sees in her dreams
God, I wanna be your man
And I wanna be her man
God, I only hope she still believes
In the man I wanna be

Well, I know this late at night that talk is cheap
Lord, don't give up on me

I wanna be a givin' man
I wanna really start livin' man
God, I'm asking you to come change me
To the man I wanna be

Songwriters: Brett James / Tim Nichols

The Man I Want to Be lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, BMG Rights Management

I dance with Evangeline and I too listen to the words again. With her in my arms I fully understand and feel the weight of the words and the emotions behind them.  My eyes fill with tears and roll down my cheeks.  I love her.  I love her with every breath I take. I need her.  I need her in my life and I will not lose her again. I hold her tight to me.

John holds me tight and I feel wetness on my cheek.  John is crying.  I’ve never seen John cry before.  Oh my sweet baby.  I hear the words and I feel the emotions in them.  I love him.  I want him.  I hold him tight to me.

The song ends and we stand there together still.  After a few moments we sit on the sofa and snuggle together basking in the glow of love and new status of our relationship.  We are engaged.

“John now that we are engaged you know that we need to talk about wedding plans and housing arrangements and all of that.”

“Yes I know that Evangeline but just for tonight let us just enjoy the peace between us. Soon enough things will get crazy with wedding plans and work.  Let’s just take tonight for us, is that okay with you?”

“Yes John that is perfectly all right with me.  John can you stay the night?  In the guest room of course.  I just want you near if you don’t mind.”

“I would love to stay Evangeline.  I’m glad that you asked.  Oh wait, I don’t have a change of clothes or any pajamas.”

“Yes you do. I bought pajamas and a change of clothes for you and I keep them in the guest room.  Not that I planned this or anything but I always like to be prepared for the unexpected.”

“Well my little girl scout you did well.  So we can just sit here and bask in the glow of our love and I won’t have to rush to leave.  It can’t get any better than that.”

“No it can’t.”

So we sit and listen to the music and just hold each other.  It feels so good.