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Time For a Change

Chapter 2 The Relocation

With the Killing Club Killer trial behind me and my future before me I make my move.  All my clients received notices to find other representation and many of them asked when I would return. I simply stated that it is in everyone’s best interest that I take this time to recuperate and return as a better attorney.  They understood and replied that they look forward to working with me again.  With my office now closed and my apartment now packed I wait for the movers to come and take my things to my new location.  Only my mother knows where I’m going and I don’t owe anyone else any explanations of my actions.  It’s all about me now.  Layla talks too much so she doesn’t even know where I am going.

A week later I’m all settled in my new apartment and my job starts is two weeks.  This just feels right for me.  I remember reading a quote somewhere that stated ‘The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are’ and that is so true.  I needed to decide to leave where I was and I did and now I will start afresh with a new home, a new job and a new me.  

After some gut wrenching self evaluation I decided that I need some counseling to find out why I allowed myself to get in this situation in the first place.  Looking at me you would conclude that I have a fair amount of sense and can handle most situations but I allowed myself to stay in a relationship that wasn’t moving forward and in which I felt that I was doing all of the work.  But no one forced me to stay but I stayed anyway.   What is wrong with me?  Perhaps I can talk this out with a therapist and can develop some strategy to regain my equilibrium.  I sit and say that but my heart and mind battle with each other.  My head says ‘get over it’ but my heart says, ‘what do you do when the one who broke your heart is the only one who can fix it?’

The first counseling session consists of me telling the therapist all that has happened to me in the last three or four years.  I just want to get it all out and somewhat purge myself of all this toxicity.  Of course I don’t tell her every minute detail in the first session but I do give her the Cliff Notes highlights.  I surprise myself that I remember everything so vividly as if it happened yesterday.  We decide on bi-weekly sessions to start and I will keep a journal to record any other current or past events that I might want to share.  The therapist’s name is Dr. Carole Parker.  

My job allows me to regain a bit of self-confidence.  The law I know forwards and backwards but the personal part of my life gets me into trouble.  I need to relearn how to handle that part.  Anyone who knows me would ask why would you let a personal relationship derail you like this.  I would ask them ‘have you ever been in love?’  It wasn’t the love that was the problem it was the lack of communication, the lack of sharing, the lack of reciprocity.  A one-sided love is not a relationship.  Going through all of this has opened my eyes to the reality that ‘breakups aren’t always meant for make-ups.  Sometimes relationships end in order for you to wake up.’  Well folks the alarm clock rang and I am fully awake now.  John once held the key to my heart but no more.  I have changed the locks.