Sounds of a baby wailing filled the Imperial Chambers and heavy-footed pacing finally stopped. The doors to the birthing room opened and out came a midwife. 

    “The child is male, Taewang-nim!” The held breath of his mother as it released was heard and Mishil bowed her head in thanks, her hands clasped so tightly together that she’d lost color. 

    “We greet the Crown Prince and congratulate you, our King!” The roar of his entire court spoke behind him and he with a tight throat accepted the wrapped baby, who wailed in displeasure. 

    “How is the Queen?” 

    “She is exhausted. Her birthing wasn’t easy.” As was customary, he inspected the child, opening the blanket to reveal the proof of his gender. Eyes drifted across every nook and cranny of his son’s tiny body, finding nothing but perfection. Five fingers and five toes. Already, he displayed his temperament which made his smile turn into laughter. Enclosing him back into the warmth of the blanket, he lifted his eyes towards the midwife. Glancing down at the scrunched little face, he motioned for the woman to take the child from him. 

    “I will see her, now.” 

    “Of course.”  As the doors closed behind them, the voices of his court boomed once more. 

    “We thank the Queen for her dedication to serving His Majesty in this way. We wish that she rests well and grows healthy once again!”  

*** 

    “Bring my child to me… please.” Her tired voice pleaded. Upon seeing him turn the corner, she began to sob. As if able to sense his mother’s distress, the child began to wail in his arms. Too weak to lift from the bed, her arms outstretched, reaching. 

    “Cheol-su…” A name forbidden by anyone to speak by law. A man dead only to live again, with the words of her mouth. 

    “Yes, my sweet one.” Approaching closer, he gave his wife what she requested and watched as she cradled him to her chest filled him with unexplainable emotion. Miraculously, their son stopped crying the moment he was removed from the blanket and placed against her engorged breast. Nuzzling there, a loud sucking noise revealed the cause of his wailing. As fatigued as she was, she smiled prettily at the child she’d brought into the world and supplied what he desired, a nipple. 

    “You have your father’s appetite. Ah!” Wincing at the sharp suckling, she felt tears well up in her eyes as he relaxed against her, devouring his meal with healthy vigor. She could not stop herself, gently drifting a finger down across his feather-soft cheek, the small button of flesh he had for a nose complete with tiny nostrils. A warm heavy hand fell to caress her hair, once neatly braided in a single plait, now messy and loose. Letting his fingers tighten and grip the mass of hair, he pressed his forehead against hers. 

    “You’ve done so well, my love.” At his words of praise, she began to cry and he let tears of his own cling to the corners of his eyes. 

    “I am honored to be your husband, Tiye.” Smiling against her wet cheeks, he brought their mouths to meet. 

    “Thank you for giving me this blessing from Heaven.” 

*** 

1043

    “Pyeha, what is your recommendation on trade?” 

    “Pyeha, the people are not pleased with the most recent tax increase. We must revise the current mandate!” 

    “Pyeha, we need to re-certify and re-train our soldiers! We are thankful for this time of peace, however, we must be ready for attack should it happen.” Silence ensued the Great Hall. 

    “Minister Gang, step forward.” 

    “Pyeha!” 

    “Are you suggesting that Minister Gang is being lax in his seat, Minister Song?” The older man grew red in the face and at once bowed his head. 

    “No, pyeha! I wouldn’t dare insinuate such a claim!” 

    “Then, is your issue not with Minister Gang but with his younger brother who sits in the seat below him?” The cabinet was deadened. 

    “Minister Gang of Law Enforcement, step forward.” 

    “Pyeha!” Eyes watched as a man stepped forward, clothed in the blue indicating his rank as a 2nd Junior government official. Bowing his head, he remained still until his King spoke. 

    “I’m beginning to think that your incessant complaining is due to Minister Gang’s…humble beginnings.” 

    “Please don’t misunderstand us, pyeha!” 

    “See to it that our military defense remains strong and adequately trained. As for the recommendation on trade, we shall keep our borders open for the time being. We’ve experienced an influx of foreign missionaries from Italy and envoys from Japan. They must be severely monitored while here. Should they cause no trouble, our alliances with them will continue.” All bowed their head to his words. 

    “The tax increase is as fair as we can allow, should the yangban themselves not desire to be taxed.” Again, the atmosphere was stiff as the King stood. 

    “Are there any other things to be discussed?”

    “No, pyeha.”

    “Good. Dismissed.” 

*** 

    The laughter of a small child and that of a woman beckoned him closer. 

    “Mama!” 

    “Be careful Jeong-hui!” Even from where he stood, the wind carried the scent of her perfume. It teased his nostrils and filled him with great desire. 

    “Ah! Papa!” At being announced, he gave up his hiding place and appeared from behind the pillar to the Queen’s Palace. Turning, his wife offered a gentle smile, one he returned. His laughter joined that of his parents as his arms enclosed the small body that had run towards him. 

    “What are you doing, my boy?"

    “Playing with duck.”

    “Oh?"

    “Mm.” Hoisting the boy up into his arms, he lifted up on his feet and went over to the edge of the pond. 

    “I like duck, Papa.” 

    “Do you?"

    “Mm.” Watching a small duckling enter the water under the supervision of the mother, he smiled before pressing his lips against his son’s temple. 

    “He’s been asking for you all day.” Closing his eyes against thick curls, he inhaled and exhaled. 

    “Meetings are running longer than normal.” 

    “No need to explain, Taewang-nim.” One of his hands reached down to grasp a small brown hand.  

    “Join me in my chambers tonight.” Her lips quirked up into a small smirk. 

    "Have you need of my counsel, my love?” Tightening his grip on her hand, he answered. 

    “Dire need.” 

    “Then, perhaps it is you who should visit my chambers.” The two of them stood by the pond, watching as their son played at the edge of the bank and his hand freed hers. At once, she joined the giggling child. 

    “My precious one, it is not safe to play this close. Come now, let’s eat something.” Scooping him up, she graced him with a coquettish gaze as she passed him. Clearing his throat, he turned on his foot and followed the two of them up to an awaiting picnic. 

*** 

    It had been two years since the birth of their son. Two years that he had been on the Throne. He’d grown two years older and so had she. So had Jeong-hui. Talks of the conception of a second child spread through the court like fire, talk the officials tried to keep from reaching his ears. Much had happened in two years. Goryeo had entered into an era of peace and even so, those ungrateful bastards weren’t happy. No, he knew they weren’t happy at all with any of it. Though they dare not say it out loud. 

    They hated Tiye. Hated the ‘influence’ she held over him and his supreme decisions. They hated their son, more now that he had begun to show considerably darker color than when he was a newborn. They hated his curly unruly hair. Everything he represented. 

    As of late, they showed their severe displeasure at the newest member of the Cheonju Gang clan, Gang Young-ho. It was preposterous, they said, to allow a cheonmin to ascend to the status of yangban so quickly and at all. Even more so, they expressed their disapproval of his rank, the position of 2nd Junior Minister in the Ministry of Law Enforcement, a subdivision of the Ministry of Military Defense. Rumor had it that Tiye had cast a spell on him and persuaded him to grant him the position. Upon hearing it, he laughed which caused them to grow pale. In it a warning. A warning they would do well to heed. 

*** 

    “You must think that you are better than us.” Sitting at his desk, Gang Young-ho calmly flipped through the paperwork that had mysteriously tripled since yesterday. 

    “He pretends not to hear us. What behavior is this from the esteemed Gang clan?”

    “Perhaps his ears would be tickled if we talk about that pretty maidservant of the Queen.”  Fingers kept flipping, eyes downcast. 

    “Does she have a name?”

    “Not sure but I hear that she accompanies him on horse riding trips.”

    “Ah. I wonder what she rides first, the actual animal or what’s underneath his fancy new robes.” 

    “You resemble women with their gossiping.” At last, the man’s eyes lifted. 

    “If you have nothing to add to my studying then I would kindly ask you to leave.” The two younger lower-ranked officials grew red in the face and refused to move. 

    “Get out.” Swallowing, they turned on their heels and ran like little girls out of his office. At once, his fingers fell flat against the pages that he hadn’t been reading. He closed the book altogether and sat back in his chair. He had been prepared for this since the day he had been born. The hazing. The comments. The open hostility. It wasn’t unlike anything he hadn’t experienced before. He’d had to adapt to this new world, some of it unfamiliar territory. And yet, other parts were… very familiar. Sighing, he opened his eyes and lifted them to stare up at the rafted ceiling. 

    He was no longer the boy who refused help, no he supposed in two years he had changed. Anyone who helped him reach his goal, he accepted. In the dog-eat-dog world of yangban, he’d had to use the most primal instincts of his upbringing to survive. What he observed about the stuffy aristocrats was that they didn’t like getting their hands dirty. They preferred someone with no identity, no family, and no desire to live to do their bidding. But he, he who once had no identity, no family, and every desire to see his brother taken care of liked getting his hands dirty. As they often whispered of those in the station he used to belong in, they were born with their hands in the dirt. 

    Now at twenty-two years of age, he was not a naive little child or an overly emotional man-child. He was a wiser man who had been strategic. He’d sacrificed his entire life for this. Mapped, planned, and given up everything and then some for this. For Do-Won. For…for her. 

    “Minister Gang?” 

    “Yes?” 

    “The two from before. They’ve cornered the woman on her way to the Queen’s Palace.” Exhaling a slow breath, he stood. He’d been a pound of flesh amongst flesh, in between the legs of powerful women, satisfying them in ways their old erectile husbands no longer could while the others fucked young defenseless girls raw. He had quickly seen how to play this game called yangban, and moved and used the pieces on the board to just where he needed them to be. As he walked past his desk, he reached for his Jin Dao sabre, a gift from his new Hyung-nim from Song. The attendant bowed his head as he left his office. 

*** 

    “Where are you going?” 

    “None of your business.” 

    “Insolent bitch!” A heavy hand slapped her and she dropped the parcel of silks she’d been ordered to give to Mistress Tiye. Rage licked her belly and she wanted nothing more than to dropkick these two idiots. Indignant eyes lifted to the man who’d assaulted her. He was young, her guess anywhere between eighteen or nineteen. An age she’d once been. 

    “Where are you going?” The second man asked again, grabbing hold of her face. 

    “The Palace of the Queen.” She answered, her voice revealing her anger. The hand tossed her head away. 

    “No wonder why Gang Young-ho likes you, you’re pretty sexy.”

    “Stop it.”

    “Or what?” Drawing her arm back, she curled up her fist and punched him dead in the face.  

    “How dare you!” A hand went for her face once more but was stopped by a bruising grip on the wrist. 

    “Strike her again and you will lose your hand.” A biting hiss sounded and the man buckled, falling to his knees. Clenching his teeth at the red and purple finger prints etched into his flesh, he lifted furious eyes. 

    “Head back to your desks.” The two men struggled to get up and hurried away and left towards the Office of Military Defense. 

    “Look at you bossing them around.” His fingers curled under and around her chin, turning her face towards the sun to reveal her bruised cheek.  

    “I am four years older than they are.” He retorted, eyes burning a hole into her at the sight of blood wetly clinging to the corner of her mouth. 

    “And here I am, two years older than you.” 

    “And?" Yanking her face out of his grasp, she huffed and knelt down to retrieve the still perfectly wrapped silks. Standing, she eyed the vibrant blue robes, the jade belt, and the hat atop his head. 

    “Shouldn't you address me as Noona?” The question made him laugh and her eyes narrowed. 

    “Noona doesn’t fit you, not to me at least.” 

    “Oh?"

    “To Do-Won you are Noona.”

    “And to you?” 

    “Anat." 

    “Hm.” Grinning at her displeased face, he chuckled as she pursed her lips. 

    “You are so easy to rile. It’s so entertaining.” 

    “Yeah? It wouldn't be entertaining if I kicked you in the balls would it?” 

    “Yikes. That escalated quickly.”

    “Hm. Get away from me.” Huffing as his presence persisted behind her, she clutched the parcel tighter. 

    “They won’t bother you again.” His voice no longer held humor and if she didn't know him well, it would dare to intimidate her. Facing the doors, she licked her lips, wincing at the open cut on the corner of her mouth. 

    “I handled it pretty fine. But... thank you anyway.” She felt her braid be lifted up from behind her. 

    “A woman attacking a man in my country, even in self-defense, is a death sentence. Be more aware of your surroundings and where you are, Anat. Behind you is a man who has access to an entire fleet of guards. Have you need, use me.” Gliding his fingers across the daenggi tied to the end of her tail, he let it slip out of his palm and turned away, leaving her there to stand, nails embedded in the package and heart pounding. 

*** 

    Forcing herself to lick the remnants of blood away from her lip, she swallowed it down and entered the Palace. She had been there when he’d been legally adopted into the Gang family. She’d stood by her Mistress, head bowed as she hugged him, tears in her eyes. Ears taking in the tearful joy and thankfulness to the newly promoted senior Minister of Military Defense Gang Yooshik.

     That night carried the smell of alcohol and yet he hadn’t taken one sip. All together in the great room of her Queen, in the midst of intoxication and merrymaking, his eyes carved tiny little holes into her and she felt exposed… she felt as though she was bare before him. She was well aware of what the look was… but it shocked her to see it on his face. It felt strange… to have a man look at her that way… to have him look at her that way. As if were no one in the room but the two of them, he’d take every article of clothing off of her body and eat her alive. That night was the first and last time he looked at her like that. Until… that day…

    *** 

    Rich green grasses rippled in the wind, the sun high and sky blue. The zip of arrows and the heavy ‘thock’ as they made impact with the target pervaded the atmosphere. Grinning teeth and loud free laughter left their chests and the hooves of the horses as their gallops shook the earth beneath them. 

    “Your aim needs work!” She teased, laugh-screaming as he nudged his stallion faster towards her. 

    “So does your mouth!” He retorted, catching up to her. 

    “The women in your country don’t talk back. That's what the problem is!” Placing her bow behind her, she began to slow her horse and he followed suit. Breath huffing and fast, the two of them shared an open-mouthed smile. 

    “Talking back will only make things worse.”

    “For you?”

    “For you.” Her eyebrows shot up. 

    “And what exactly are you going to do about it? My talking back?” Having been side by side, he abruptly forced the mare to turn until they were body to body.  

    “I could think of a few things.” Butterflies danced inside of her belly and had she had sense, she wouldn’t have egged him on… pushed him to it. But damn her, she had to have the last word. 

    “You haven’t answered my question, Young-ho.” Licking his lips, his gaze drifted down to her own before he ripped his sight away from her completely. 

    “You speak as if you want me to do something about it.” There it was, the look that stopped her dead in her tracks. 

    “We are not in Kush, Anat.” Swallowing a lump, she found herself incapable of moving as he reached out to caress her cheek with a finger or two. 

    “I pride myself on being a gentleman.” Those fingers followed the path down to her jawline.     

    “But, I am not without feelings.” Withdrawing his hand, he cleared his throat, cheeks now a boyish pink. 

    “We should probably return now. The sun has caught up to us.” He prepared to turn the mare around but she stopped him, grabbing onto his hands there on the reins. 

    “I don’t… understand you…” The muscle in his jaw tightened as he clenched it. He mumbled something under his breath and lifted one of his hands upward, going right for underneath her chin. Gripping her lightly by the jaw, he pulled her mouth to his without another word. Light, air, and the shock of it all danced around in her body and she froze, eyes widening. Staring up into his intense ones, she lifted a hand of her own and pushed him back. As if he’d never done it, he spoke, voice now quiet. 

    “Let’s return.”

*** 

     After that, things grew more complicated between them. He blatantly ignored her and didn’t talk to her for nearly three weeks. She started to feel as though it was her fault, like if she hadn’t said anything… he wouldn’t have pulled his presence away from her. But, as the heavens had it, they bumped into each other as she ran an errand for her Queen. For a moment, they stared at each other before she tried to walk past him. To her surprise, he caught her hand, stopping her. 

    “Anat…”

    “Let go of me.”

    “I’ve wronged you.” It was the way regret filled his voice that made her heart twist. 

    “I breached your trust and I apologize. I shouldn’t have done it. It was…your first. Yes?” Cheeks blossoming in color, she left the question unanswered. 

    “None of it is any fault of yours. My not speaking to you.” She didn’t know she needed verbal confirmation but the way tears started to well up in her eyes was very telling. 

    “It’s my fault.” Pulling her to turn, he pulled her close to him and his arms enclosed her. 

    “It’s all my fault.” Tightening on her now crying form, he pressed his cheek against her hair. 

    “I won’t abandon you like this again. I promise.” 

*** 

    It had been easy to begin again, to start again. He was careful when physical contact was had, be it a hug and those had grown rarer as the year passed. But his soft caresses to her face and hair seemed permissible. She wasn’t sure what was transpiring between them… but she found herself addicted to his company. She wanted to be around him nearly every waking minute and it pained her when she had to wait until the night to see him. 

    He had to know. That’s why… why his touches had grown bolder. Why on nights when they sat amongst a million stars and she spoke of her homeland, her life before Goryeo, her childhood, he would lift an arm to pull her against him and she would let him. He had to know that he was breaking her down. And should he continue, she’d completely give him her heart of her own free will. 

*** 

    “Do you think he will take a wife, Jungjeon mama?” 

    “He is a man of honor and duty.”

    “But?”

    “If there is no space for Anat to exist then he will make one.” Yooshik glanced out of the window at the two of them, seated so closely together. 

    “I have no objections to the two of them being together. This, you both know.” But. They understood very well Yooshik’s heart. More than anything, he wanted his both of his younger brothers to be happy. 

    “As Head of your House, you have obligations of your own. This we also know.” Tightening his jaw, he lowered his head. 

    “Before we rush anything, let us ask them.” The eyes of the Queen warmly found them too. 

    “They seem to be in their own time. Let’s not rush them. When they are ready, they will let us know.” 

*** 

    Hands pressed the collar of his hanbok down. 

    “When the Princess comes, what do you say?

    “Thank you…coming, princess.” 

    “Good.” Worried eyes looked up to see the Imperial Palanquin parking in the courtyard. 

    “Here she comes, Kyubok! Smile!” Tiny milk teeth smiled as the beautiful woman emerged from the confines. The fake plastered smile on the young boy’s face grew into a genuine one as she approached and knelt, a single candy inside of her palm. 

    “Candy-ah-coming, Princess.” Red lips smiled at the boy and lifted a hand to sift fingers through his hair. 

    “What a big boy you are, Kyubok. Your words grow better with time.” His cheeks grew pink at the compliment and he tried to open the wrapper to the small treat with his teeth but failed and pouted. Taking it back from him, she opened it up, allowing him to take it and eat it. 

    “I’ve told you before that he may call me Auntie.”

    “A child of his status wouldn’t dare call you such a familiar title.” Gaze now taking in the woman standing to the side of him, she stood. 

    “Kyubok, go and play with Hyung-nim, hm?” 

    “‘kay.” The small child went to run but stopped himself short, turning towards her with a small bow of his head before completing his journey into the house behind them. 

    “He’s the spitting image of Seo-Jun.” The sentence didn’t flatter the woman, instead, the words seemed to greatly offend her and her stiff body posture revealed it well. 

    “You’ve… you’ve seen him…” Her eyebrows lifted. 

    “And now? You wish me to leave?” Clucking her tongue, the princess chuckled. 

    “My, what nerve Kim Jae-hwa.” 

    “Mishil, please… just… just go back.”

    “Why should I? Give me a reason why I shouldn’t take him with me this time?” Teary fear-filled eyes looked up at her. 

    “He is well-cared for as you requested. I haven’t neglected him. I’ve fed him, kept him clean, given him a warm bed to lay on. There is no need for you to- to take him.” Call her sick but she enjoyed it, watching her squirm. 

    “You have the status of your parents to thank alongside with aid from the Palace. Without either, you’d have to resort to… less favorable means just to put a grain of rice in front of him.” She was silent. 

    “Be that as it may, one day Kim Kyubok will want to know why I visit. He will want to know the truth behind his origin. He will want to know why he has no father.” Jae-hwa began to tremble, lifting arms up to hug herself. 

    “What will you tell him, Jae-hwa?” 

    “He doesn’t need a father. He doesn’t need to know his origin.” Releasing a sound of disapproval, she let her eyes roam the body of the woman they said once was the most beautiful, save for her own. Pitiful. She stood like a wet little rat, the rain of moments past having turned her hanbok a darker color. 

    “What a selfish bitch you are, Kim Jae-hwa.” 

    “Mishil-”

    “Gongju-mama to you. We are no longer kin.” Like a dejected stray, she hugged herself tighter. 

    “He, though, is my nephew and he shall learn of it one day. When he is old enough, I shall tell him everything. He shall know that his mother was a whore, having slept with two Imperial sons while she was engaged to only one.” Jae-hwa began to cry.  

    “No…”

    “He shall know that his father was a nymphomaniac, a demented devil from the pits of hell who took pleasure in the murder and torture of other people.”

    “No!”

    “He will know that the only reason he draws breath is because of my mercy and that of the Former King.  I imagine that once he finds out the truth of it all, he will-”

    “Don’t punish my son for my sins! I beg you! He is innocent in this!” At that, she let up, breath still full of rage. 

    “He will stay innocent, should you comply.”

    “What do you want?” Jae-hwa sounded exhausted now, completely drained of energy. 

    “When he is of age, he will come to the Palace. He will assume his place as Wangseson.” Taking a shaky breath, she dug her nails into the skin of her arm. 

    “You know as good as I do that the Palace is a dangerous place. No one who has ever gone there returns the same, if they return at all. Why must he go there? Why must he know at all?” Lifting her gaze, it humored her to see somewhat of a fire there in her normally lifeless eyes. 

    “If my son goes there, he will surely die.” 

    “Now you claim the child as yours where once you didn’t care about his life. You mistreated him, starved him, and robbed him of basic needs out of greed. What’s worse, you intended to use him to keep the present King bound to you.” Beaten back down, her gaze fell once again onto the ground. It was a while before she spoke, 

    “Give him time. Please. Let him decide his own fate.” Mishil pursed her lips, eyes turned down at her who had taken to bow before her. 

    “Very well. I’ll return.” The woman remained on the ground even after she’d gone back into her palanquin and it lifted up from the ground. It wasn’t until she completely disappeared from view that the woman lifted her face, tears dripping from her eyes. 

*** 

    There was something so special about the second year of his reign. Perhaps like little seedlings, everything around him had decided it would grow. And it did at an alarming rate. As if, the universe knew that soon it would all slow. 

*** 

1043 

Late summer-Early Autumn 

    “You wanted to meet with me, Hyung-nim?” Warm gentle eyes and lips smiled. 

    “Young-ho-ah,  please come in. Sit.” The younger man entered his room, having been summoned to his home at high noon. Bowing his head, he lowered onto his pillow in a sit. For a while, neither man said anything and the atmosphere was starting to grow a bit uncomfortable. 

    “Would you like some tea?” 

    “Ah, yes. Thank you.” A servant leaned forward and poured before excusing herself. 

    “How is the Ministry faring?”

    “Well. Thanks to your leadership and guidance, there is better harmony within the Office.” Smiling handsomely, the elder reached for his cup of tea. 

    “Non-ministry affairs?” 

    “Non-ministry?” Blowing upon the surface of the liquid, knowing eyes lifted. 

    “The Queen’s closest maid. She’s been given a Korean name, though I have forgotten it.” 

    “Kkot-Bi.” 

    “Ah. Picked by the Queen no doubt.”

    “Yes. It was the most respectful option offered.” The two men drank now in silence. 

    “You like her, do you not?” His cheeks tinged the slightest pink. Clearing his throat, he took a breath. 

    “Yes. I do.” With a nod, Yooshik placed the cup onto the table. 

    “We haven't spoken too much in detail about it. Your adoption.” At that, the younger man grew still. 

    “I didn’t act of any accord of the Queen, though she ardently pursued me on the matter. You were at one time her favorite pupil, the King’s also.” He remained silent as he continued, 

    “I acted of my own conviction and volition. We are new at this, you and I. But, one thing I hope to have shown you is that I am a man of honor and integrity."

    “Yes, Hyung-nim.” 

    “I believe in doing what is right, even if sacrifices must be made.” 

    “Mm.” 

    “You were but a boy then. In the war.”

    “Nineteen.”

    “Yes, a child still. A child who experienced many hardships early in life.” He again was quiet. 

    “Even so, you protected the Crown Princess. You returned Kkot-bi to the Queen and showed her the hospitality of our people. For those reasons, I chose to accept the adoption. Your character as a man has only brought our family greater honor.” Bowing his head low, he felt his throat tighten. 

    “I am humbled to receive your praise, Hyung-nim.” The man sighed and it was heavy. 

    “Your past life died and a new one began when you took the name Gang. With so many sudden changes, I understand that bits and pieces of the remnants remain. To that, I understand.” Lifting his head, he knit his eyebrows together in confusion. 

    “Hyung-nim?” 

    “How old were you?”

    “How old was I?”

    “When you worked as a male prostitute.” The question left him stunned and he tried to reach for his cup but his hands began to shake. 

    “I…I…” He struggled to place his thoughts, struggled to decide if he should be honest or lie. Shoulders falling flat, he answered lowly, choosing that honesty was the better option. 

    “Sixteen.” The man nodded. Waited. 

    “I…Do-Won…I needed to feed him. My parents were dead. My sister had left us to do the same thing. She never came back so…I had to do something. He was only three years old.” 

    “I dare not judge you, Young-ho.”

    “Sixteen until nineteen. Three years. It’s a miracle I didn’t die. It’s a miracle my brother didn’t die.” 

    “Luck was on your side.” 

    “I narrowly escaped with my life after getting caught up with some illegal activity.” 

    “What kind of illegal activity?”

    “One of my patrons… he dealt in opium.”

    “Did you ever take it?”

    “No. Sold it yes.” Yooshik’s silence actually scared him and he felt his throat grow tighter and tighter as the minutes went on. 

    “Four years is enough time to be reborn, hm?” He got up and his eyes watched him go to grab his pipe. Sitting back down, he filled it with tobacco. 

    “You did what you had to to survive. Any human being would understand that, of genteel birth or not.” Lighting it, he quickly inhaled and exhaled, smoke blowing around him. 

    “Yangban society is exceptionally forgiving towards males. In fact, most of them freely prostitute themselves on a daily basis, lost in the stench of sweat, sex, and liquor.” 

    “You… speak from-”

    “Experience, yes.”  And again, he blew out smoke. 

    “I am far from perfect, Young-ho. We all have our secrets and sins.” 

    “H-hyung-nim…”

    “That said, when I had enough, when I realized that I was wasting my life, I buried myself in academia. It became my new drug of choice. I worked hard to get to where I am, regardless of what people think. My friendship with the King may hold some weight. But I was very adamant that I wanted to earn it by myself, without his help. And he let me.” Tapping the pipe onto a small jade plate, he sat back in a relaxed position. 

    “In exchange for this new life, unfortunately, you must bear a great responsibility. It isn’t quite fair to you.”

    “It is a small price to pay for all you have done, Hyung-nim.” Bowing his head, his next words stabbed into him. 

    “Then, you agree to marry?” His head popped up. 

    “M-marry?”

    “To a daughter from another yangban family.” He clenched his jaw. 

    “It will be good for the Gang clan,” Inhaling once more, eyes had grown sad as they watched the younger man deflate. 

    “But it will be at the expense of your heart.” Exhale. 

    “You are not wed to a yangban by birth Hyung-nim.” He knew the rebuttal was coming and it hurt him to have to break him further. 

    “I married the King’s woman. A whore.” 

    “E-excuse me?” 

    “Yi Won-hae. She served as the King’s ‘practice’ wife on occasion while he was still growing to develop his sexual prowess.” His hands let down the pipe, only to refill it. And another flame burned it into smoke. 

    “She’s three years my senior but we fell in love anyway. She was nineteen and I sixteen. It was love at first sight on my end. She needed a little persuasion, naturally.”  His brief chuckle made him attempt a smile. 

    “For years, I had to stand by, as the current King, my childhood friend, fucked the woman I loved. Two, sometimes three times in a night. I was the King’s guard so I couldn’t dare desert.”

    “Didn’t you hate him?” The chuckle this time was humorless. 

    “Did I hate him? No. Did I want to hate him? What man wouldn’t?” His confession caused him to look at him. 

    “It was his duty. It was her duty. Neither one of them had a say, a choice, or an option to do otherwise. His Majesty didn’t ask to be King, nor did he ask for the crown. I watched him suffer in ways I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. As his friend, I couldn’t bring myself to hate him. I loved him.”

    “And Yi Won-hae?” 

    “She proved to everyone that she’s far more than a whore. She nearly gave her life for this country. Under her direction, those in the harem that lost their lives also fought in the war. She’s one of the bravest women that I know. Outside of the Queen.” 

    “How did you, from one of the oldest yangban families marry her?” He knew that question was also coming. 

    “She had to take on a new life, like you.” His eyebrows shot up. 

    “A family missing a daughter around her age reached out to the Palace. The Queen directly handled it, per the King’s wishes. Her letter of approval outlined all of Hae’s achievements and she emphasized her character. It was so remarkable that the family instantly accepted her. From there they reached out to my family, stating their intent to marry their daughter into our house.” 

    “It wasn’t planned?”

    “That part, no.”

    “Heaven’s will.” Smoke dispersed to the side of him. 

    “Hae was only able to wed me for one very important reason, aside from the fact of yangban requirement.”

    “That is?”

    “She is a native Korean.” And there it was, the sound of his heart breaking further into tiny pieces. 

    “Kkot-bi… Anat… she’s not…”

    “I know she’s not.” Said with venom, that was the sign he took to back up a bit. 

    “Young-ho-ah,” 

    “There has to be a way. There must be a way made.” 

    “There is no one who will be willing to accept her into their family. You know this and so do I.” He hung his head. 

    “While the Queen favors her and they originate from the same country, to us, no… to people who do not know or respect them as we do, she is no different than a sangmin or baekjeong woman.”

    “Hyung-nim,” 

    “Please, brother…understand that my hands are tied. I can’t allow it.” He was quiet. 

    “My greatest wish for you, for Do-Won-ah… is for the both of you to be happy. But, sometimes, happiness doesn’t come without having to give up something.” Emptying the small container of tobacco into the jade plate, he sighed heavily again. 

    “I believe that like me, you are a man of great honor and integrity. You’ll figure out what works best for you… for both of you.” Bowing his head, he got up without a word and with one last bow, excused himself. 

*** 

Winter 

    She lifted the thick toothed comb up to to glide through her hair.  With some water from reserve and a bit of the hair dressing Royal Sister had rejected when she was with child, she glided her fingers through the long thick strands. With ease, she quickly gathered the hair into a single braid. Sighing at the feel of her hair freshly done, she smiled as she reached for the last decoration to complete her outfit, a red ribbon. Fastening it to the end tail of the braid, she relaxed and with an excited grin, got up heading to the Queen, her Queen’s closet.

Sister Tiye was away and to her delight and with nothing to do, she felt that now would be the greatest time to take a peek at some of the gorgeous robes she wore in leisure. She wouldn’t mind, now would she? Licking her lips in glee, she opened the large chest. Mouth dropping, she eyed gowns in almost every shade. Gods. She had to admit that the clothes that Goryeo women wore held a particular charm to them, a feminine flair that was uniquely their own. 

    For some reason, she felt nervous. Swallowing, her fingers drifted across the sleeves of them all, some silky, others smooth. Pick one and hurry. While she knew that Tiye herself wouldn’t mind, her royal court were less understanding of their relationship. Going for a pretty canary yellow one, she plucked it up and out, breath whooshing out of her lungs. Quietly opening the door, she stepped out and closed it back just the way he had been. 

    Hurried footsteps led her to her place of safety, her room. Utterly ridiculous. The fact that I have to run with her clothing…Sucking her teeth, she strolled up to her mirror, an exact replica of Tiye’s and held it up to her body. Breathtaking it was. A sheer silk jeogori with multi-colored silk flowers embroidered down the sleeves. Though, it was considerably shorter than any jeogori she’d ever seen her wear in public. Her eagerness to wear it nearly possessed her and she ripped apart the hanbok she wore, feeling free of the layers that left her body. Regardless of the season, she felt smothered by them, even more so now with the thicker winter fabrics. Sighing in relief, she felt lighter…freer in the chest band and the short pantaloons that came to just above her knee. 

    Even with her socks on, the heat from the floor further relaxed her and she pulled the chima off of the metal hanger first, slipping into the rich luxurious skirt and fastening it. Saving the best for last, she removed the short delicate jeogori, not satisfied until she had it on and closed, a small crochet flower pin serving as its closure instead of the longer ties she had grown used to. Her mouth gaped open at her appearance and she lifted careful fingers up to trace the flowers and drift down across the silk skirt. The sudden boom of voices made her freeze and fear sliced through her. They sounded male. Turning, she could do nothing but grow still as the door to her room opened. Two faces she recognized stared back at her, one showing severe disapproval, the other surprise. 

    “Well, as usual, here she is, not doing what she’s supposed to be doing. I will be reporting her conduct to the Queen.” Said in obvious threat, the older man humphed and left the younger standing there. The shock once in his face now dissipated and his eyes seemed to float down the line of the hanbok and he sighed, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed. 

    “Trying on the Queen’s clothes, hm?”

    “N-no!” She turned away from him, cheeks and voice revealing her embarrassment. 

    “Liar.”

    “What are you doing here, Young-ho?” 

    “Someone’s not happy to see me.” Her eyes followed the massive boots that neared her step by step. 

    “Is it because you got caught?” His voice was suddenly too close for comfort and she lifted her gaze to see him standing directly behind her. 

    “I came to take you for a stroll but it seems you have other plans.” 

    “Don't you have work to do?” 

    “And you? Don’t you know better than to wear things you shouldn’t?” He lifted hands to rest upon her shoulders. 

    “It looks lovely on you, Anat.” Cheeks reddened, she could have but chose not to move from his touch as it drifted down her arms and down around her waist. Wrapping arms around her, he pulled her against him in a comfortable hug. Looking at their reflection, she felt her heart pound against her chest. She’d never seen him… seen her... them so… close together. It made her smile, seeing just how tall he was compared to her short stature. But at the arms around her midsection, something told her that he wasn’t here for a mere visit. The way he hugged her, tight, spoke of his not wanting to let go. He appeared sad, as though something heavy weighed him down.

    “What’s wrong Young-ho?” He didn’t speak. 

    “I cannot try to help if you won’t talk to me.” 

    “I’m sorry.” 

    “Sorry?” Now, his face was pressed against her hair and for a moment, he inhaled the sweet smell on her strands. 

    “We…cannot marry.” The news left her unable to speak and at once she understood why he held her so tightly. There had been no proposal. But there had been a discussion, a confession really, plenty of hope, excitement, laughter, and a few kisses underneath the trees lined with the buds of late spring. Small shy ones that had slowly become more and more entangled, more and more passionate, filled with pleasure and satisfaction, how their lips fit together so perfectly and what a relief… what joy it was to receive and return his affection. And… now…now what? 

    “Is it Royal Sister Tiye?” 

    “No. It’s not the Queen or the King.” Finally, his arms released her waist and she turned around, desperate for them to enclose her again. 

    “Then, what? What is it? Why?” He lifted a hand to press against her cheek, opting for touch but no, she needed his words too. 

    “I am not the Young-ho as you know me. I’m…I am a much bigger entity now.” Her brows knit in confusion. 

    “What are you talking about? You are Young-ho. I am Anat. We’re-”

    “In two different stations.” More confusion was displayed on her face alongside the sting of hurt. 

    “I’m not sure if you’ll ever understand my country. Or the rules set forth between the classes.”

    “You’re right. I won’t.” Pulling away from him, the bruised expression on her face stabbed him in the gut and he let his hand fall from her. 

    “I am beneath you is what you’re telling me.” No. Never. 

    “I’m not saying that.”

    “Yes. You are.” Now, anger and betrayal. 

    “Anat-”

    “You once wore rags. You once wore tattered shoes.” Now her hands pushed him. 

    “You were once the man I fell in love with, against my better conscious. Against everything I know!” She pushed harder, enough that he took a step back. 

    “Now you dare to say to me that I’m beneath you? Ha!” With a final shove, he stumbled and fell back against her low chair, his impact causing the cushion arrangement to come apart. 

    “If the clothes make the man, then I’ll remove them myself.” Straddling him, she began to violently pull and yank his hanbok apart, tossing the ties open. Angry tears slipped down her cheeks and she grunted as she ripped and tore the fabric, splitting apart seams and destroying the identity of a man she didn’t know. He laid there, letting her do as she pleased, eyes unabridged with agony. 

    “Now… now you are nothing. Just like me.” Slowly, he lifted his hands upward and took hold of her face. 

    “Anat,”

    “No…. don’t…. don’t hurt me any more… please. You promised you wouldn’t hurt me any more.” Sitting up, he gently brought her head to lay against his chest. 

    “Let’s go back…” He whispered against her temple, arms enclosing her sobbing form. 

    “Let’s go back to the village, back to the place where you stayed with me and my brother, hm?” Her crying had started to lessen, his hands rubbing comforting circles against her back. 

    “Before my name changed. When I was still just Young-ho. Let’s go back to that place.” She relaxed against him now, her hands pressed against his chest. 

    “There, we are free to do what we want. We’re able to say whatever we want.” She lifted her head, face pressed against his neck. 

    “There, we’re husband and wife.” Eyes followed the descent of a hand as it glided down her braid, following it all the way until the end, the visual sign of her girlhood, her innocence, her virginity stared back at him. With a few fingers, he unraveled the knot around her hair and pulled it away, letting it fall to the floor.

     In his life, he’d always had to think of others, always had to be the bigger person. He wanted, for once, to have everything he wanted whenever he wanted. He wanted to be selfish, the self-seeking prideful bastard that he knew himself to be, in another life. Underneath the honor, underneath the integrity, underneath the duty there lied the instinct of a wild animal. Who would crush, pummel, and kill to keep it all to himself. Before he journeyed into the hell he created, first…he’d have heaven.