Chapter 19: 13 (2) - 'If we're going to die, bury us alive. . .'
Alright! It's Caleb's turn to feel my heavy words... lol you're off the hook today Ava-Rain
Here we go!
This is what I meant when I said that Ava-Rain is stronger than she thinks she is, because in this very moment, she is the one that is understanding and holding herself together. This moment between her and Caleb is different from the last chapter. This is the Alpha-female Ava-Rain that I know her to be. It's not always about physical strength but she is able to have her emotions and surrender to them in this moment. Surrending to emotions in certain situations between yourself and your beloved is not bad and that is what Caleb needed to learn.
Caleb you had failed Ava-Rain when you decided that this was only your burden to carry. As much as you wanted her to always tell you what she felt, you did not repay her in the same way and in that sense he was a bad mate. In fact, this reminds me of back to that chapter when she told you she had felt unwanted because you were keeping this other woman from her and even though yet again she was the one to apologize he has not yet apologized from keeping this important past from her. Yes it was painful for you, but that is a pain that your mate needed to understand. You can't demand for Ava-Rain to follow the rules of your world when you're not even being honest with yourself nor her in dealing with Emmy. I got pissed the hell off when Caleb decided that he was going to walk away and not say why/how Emmy died. If he had continued to walk and not say anything I would have been even more furious because he's doing a disserve to himself and Ava-Rain. Basically get that shit right Caleb.
Also, I'd like to add. Though Caleb thinks about Emmy's death as Luna's message that she wasn't one for him, I think I see it another way. Okay yes, it could have been Luna's message, but he also needs to understand that Emmy's introduction to his life helped him when he really needed it. I don't think it was a coincedence that Luna put Emmy in his path. As he said, she lifted an Alpha off his knees. She was that light he needed at that time and that is a gift in itself. I think he's really just being extremely harsh on himself when he's talking about how he couldn't have Emmy and then how he can't have Ava-Rain. I think making that statement is more detrimental than anything else becuase Emmy was important piece of him and so has Ava-Rain become important and both women were placed in his world for a specific reason. Luna knows what she's doing.
Him crying onto Ava-Rain and allowing those emotions to show, that's what Ava-Rain has been asking of him from the get! I'm not sorry for my own anger towards Ava-Rain last chapter, even though I understand why she did what she did (idk the costs were just to bad for me especially since she could have died and so could have Declan. Just imagine the amount of pain that would have caused. That I can't immediately forgive, but I understand) but I was going to be incredibly disappointed in Caleb if he had walked away and for me disappoint rests heavier than anger. Actually I am still disappointed in Caleb because he took so damn long to tell Ava-Rain about Emmy (and almost ran too still) while the whole time he was trying to preach this whole we gotta feel each others energy and we're mates and we gotta love each other and don't run from me blah blah blah.
Ultimately both these chapters were an important moment for each. For as last chapter if she didn't realize how real his world is now Ava-Rain certainly does and for this chapter Caleb needs to understand what his past meant and what his present means now and he needs to stop placing his past onto his present because it will put a lot of burden on himself and Ava-Rain and that is not fair to her. She has been willing to be part of his world and to fully understand what tat means he needs to be completely honest with her. Boo no one is asking for you to cry in front of your damn clan but for Ava-Rain you have to really bare it all because she is your Alpha-Female now she's chosen you and you need to show that you fully appreciate what she's done by be completely blue for her all the time. It's okay to let those "human" emotions show becuase that is who Ava-Rain is. She's a damn human and she requires your emotional honesty the way you require her to place herself in your world.
Alright damn I'm done lol.
Great chapter! I love both your characters! My home girl Ava-Rain holding it down in that forest! Good for you girl. Caleb you've got to get your act together and be honest with your mate. Stop being all "oh I might lose her so I ain't gonna tell her" That's stupid because if you don't tell her you definitely will lose her faster. Allow her to feel her hurt. Don't try and make that decision for her. She loves you as you love her. Don't take her choices away from her. Let her hurt, but she'll heal faster if you give her that respect and in the mean time maintaining that you love her as well doesn't hurt lol. Geez many people have loved others before they met the one that they know is for them. That shit happens and that's why you'd be honest with your partner and tell them. That's understandable, but what isn't is keeping big things like this from your loved ones. That's more hurtful than finding out that there was someone you loved before (loving someone happens... I mean if you wanted to Twelve20One you could have written that Ava-rain had a love before Caleb and that's fine. Caleb would have had to deal with that because it happens, but Caleb is in the wrong for keeping this from Ava-Rain especailly since they're more invested in one another). The only issue I see here is if Caleb wants to come about and say that if he had to choose between Emmy and Ava-Rain he'd choose Emmy and that's fucked up. If the problem here is admiting that he was going to make Emmy his Alpha-female even when that wasn't his mate then alright it hurts but we can get past that, but if the story was that he was going to make Emmy his alpha-female and had met Ava-Rain, knew she was his mate, strung her along, and then still wanted to say F her I'm taking Emmy, now that would be messed up. Caleb get your shit right and stop making this decision for Ava-Rain. I bet you any thing Ava-Rain would allow Caleb his time to hurt and heal as long as she can trust and have faith that she is the one that he ultimately wants. Just love your woman Caleb. Damn lol
and holy hell I wrote an essay. My bad
Author's Response: LOL, uh-oh!
Aren't you just super proud of our girl in this chapter? This was definitely the alpha female we knew was in there somewhere. She was everything she needed to be for Caleb when he needed it, but here's to hoping that she'll learn to be a proper alpha female all the time & not just in certain moments. As for Caleb, he definitely learned a lot about surrendering to emotions & I'm equally as proud of him for that.
Lol, he was totally being a hypocrite this entire time, wasn't he? Maybe if he actually shared all of this with Ava-Rain sooner, she might have done things differently. And I think deep down—deep, DEEP down, lol—he realizes that, and he was so angry with her because he was so angry with himself, if that makes sense. But I'm glad Caleb's finally seen the error of his ways—too bad it took his delta almost dying & Ava-Rain almost meeting a similar fate for him to finally open up. And opening up is probably the hardest thing for Caleb to do—that, and apologizing, lol—so I understand why he walked away. He thought Ava-Rain felt like he was ONLY sharing his past with Emmy Grace as a punishment for what she had done, which wasn't the case. So, for him, it was like, ‘I finally stop running from my past, take this opportunity to share everything with you & you think I'm only doing it to hurt you? That I have ulterior motives?'. BYE FELICIA! His default is to run, so he did, but Ava-Rain shut that down real quick, so, again, I'm proud of her for standing strong.
You're spot on with Emmy Grace's place in Caleb's life. Of course, Caleb's always such a ‘Negative Nancy' & believes that Emmy Grace's death was a sign that she wasn't his to have, so he'll always have a hard time accepting that, despite what happened, she was placed in his life for a reason & purpose. You already know there are so such things as coincidences in this story & Luna most definitely knows what she's doing!
Ah, the moment he broke down & cried was a moment they both definitely needed to share. He's been conditioned his whole life to never allow your emotions to betray you, but he's finally realizing that Ava-Rain is not his enemy & that lesson holds no merit when it comes to their relationship. Like you said, she's human & if he wants her to be able to adapt to his world then he needs to learn to adapt to hers, ‘human' emotions & all.
Super, SUPER happy that you enjoyed this chapter! Agreed that Caleb needs to get his act together & stop placing his past onto the present. As much as he's trying to prevent the past from repeating itself, not being honest with his mate & believing that he can protect her as a result (physically, mentally, & emotionally) is only going to have the reverse effect. He definitely needs to stop being afraid to hurt Ava-Rain's feelings all of the time and just hurt her—which, I know, probably sounds like a horrible thing to say—because love is not the absence of pain, it's the—OKAY, let me stop myself right there before I get SUPER cheesy on you, lol.
Love, loved, LOVED this super long review, thincakes! Thank you so very much for reading & for taking the time to share all of your wonderful thoughts, feelings & opinions with me! It makes me so happy that you're so invested in this story & these characters! Again, thank you!! :)
